Body Language And Attraction

Hello Dave,

I want to say thank you for the Advanced CD Series.
The more I listen to it, the more I get out of it.
Its like when you watch a movie about 53 times, you'll
always find something new that you didn't notice the
previous times you watched it. When I first invested
on your book, I thought that it was fantastic chic
bible, now that I've invested in the CD Series, I
understand more of what you talk about in the book.
The DVD Series is next...as soon as I get the ins...lol.

Anyway, to my question. You talk about how body
language will affect the moment, if you will, while
conversing with a woman. Perhaps I still do not understand
how the process works, or maybe its just one of those
things that men aren't supposed to understand, but
if you're talking with a woman, oh lets say at a baseball
game, somewhere where friends may spot you, and you
wonder off to your friends without her as if "you
don't care," you say it is creating tension between
the two of you, because she's wondering "where the
hell did he go?" but is that not creating some sort
of negative body language in a way at the same time?

A little help understanding this will greatly be
appreciated, Dave. I'm sure I'm not the only one
who doesn't capture this concept. Thanks again.

D.
Yuma, Arizona


>>>MY COMMENTS:

Thanks for your email, this is a great question.

I think that the reason you don't "get" this particular
concept is because you're trying to fit what I'm teaching
you into your way of seeing the world, instead of
the other way around.

You're looking for how I'm WRONG instead of how I'm
RIGHT.

And I'll bet you dimes to dollars that you have not
spent much time TESTING what you've learned in the
real world.

I can sit here all day long and explain to you what
it's like to drive a car. I can tell you how it's
different steering a car when you're driving 5 miles
per hour than it is when you're driving 55 miles per
hour... and how it's different to back up because you
have to think in reverse...

...and you could ask me questions like "Well, how
do you mean it's "backwards" when you back up? Wouldn't
it just feel the same?" and "Wouldn't it be distracting
to turn your windshield wipers on while it's raining
and you're trying to drive?"...

...and I could answer all of your questions...

...OR...

...you could just get in a damn car and go see what
it's like to drive.

If you want to "capture this concept" you need to
get out in the real world and DO IT.

In your example above, you asked if you're also creating
"some sort of negative body language" at the same
time by walking away from a woman.

What do you mean by "negative"?

And if it WORKS, WHO CARES?

Do you mean that if you walk away from a girl that
you're talking to, are you going to make her think
you don't like her?

GOOD, if she thinks that. Who cares?

If you walk away from a woman because you want to
go talk to your friends, it's HER DEAL if she doesn't
like it. Not yours.

If, on the other hand, you see your friends, but DON'T
go talk to them because you don't want to offend the
girl you're talking to, you're going to probably also
give her several clues that you're a WUSSBAG, and that
you don't have any spine or life of your own... and
that you like to live in a way that pleases other people.

And guess what?

That is NOT an attractive quality.

Look...

Everything is a trade-off in one way or another.

Everything involves risk.

Everything you do can backfire.

Most guys are painfully aware of these issues.

But the problem is that most guys take this knowledge
and use it the WRONG WAY.

Instead of doing what WORKS, and not caring if it "backfires"
or "fails" in that particular situation, they do the
"safe" thing.

Of course, anytime you "play it safe" around an attractive
woman by being a "nice guy" and trying to "follow her
lead" you are ABSOLUTELY going to do something that's
going to backfire on you MOST of the time.

In other words, by playing it safe and being a "nice"
guy, you won't get any "negative" responses or "rejection"
in the moment.

But she's NEVER going to feel ATTRACTION for you,
either (unless you look like Brad Pitt, or you're
in Motley Crue).

The answer?

Stop worrying about "failing" or doing something that
doesn't work.

It doesn't MATTER if you "fail" in a particular situation.

You didn't have anything ANYWAY.

If you want to succeed with attractive women, you're
going to have to realize that things don't work the
way they SHOULD work.

Attraction doesn't happen when you're a "nice, appropriate
boy".

Here's an example of "being nice" vs. being a guy
who lives in his own reality and does what he wants
to do:

You're talking to a girl, and you decide that you
like her.

You want to get her phone number and call her sometime.

Nice guy says "Um, maybe you could give me your number,
and I could call you sometime and take you out".

Guy who lives in his own reality says "Give me your
number" with a tone of voice and body language that
is EXPECTING her to comply.

But you might way "Hey, wait a minute here... if you
just try and tell her what to do and ASSUME that she's
going to go along and give you her number, she might
be offended".

Guess what?

You're right.

But if she's offended, then she wasn't going to go
out with you anyway.

On the other hand, if she WAS going to go out with
you, the direct "Give me your number" will make her
FAR MORE attracted to you.

Make sense?

In other words, the things that work BEST will get
you MUCH BETTER and MUCH WORSE reactions from women.

Women who have boyfriends, are married, are lesbians,
or whatever will RUN away... (that is, if they can
overcome their emotional attraction to your communication
style).

And women who are available and interested will only
feel MORE attracted to you because you are just naturally
assuming that you're going to get what you want.

If you really take the time to think about it, and
think through the different scenarios, you'll realize
that being direct and assumptive will work better
in the long run.

Now, let's talk a bit about the specifics of what
it "says" to a woman when you "walk away" from her
in a situation like the one you've described...

You're talking to her for five minutes. She's laughing,
you're being Cocky & Funny... you're teasing her, she's
responding by hitting you and opening her mouth with
the "Oh-no-you-didn't-just-say-that" look.

You see your friends.

You say "Hey, good talking to you... I'm going to
go talk to my friends" and you walk away.

What happens?

Does she think "That jackass! I'm so offended that
he didn't ask for my number!"?

Does she say to her friend "That guy is stupid because
he could have gotten my number and he didn't even
ask for it"?

Does she immediately walk away and leave?

No, probably not.

In fact, what she will MOST LIKELY do, if you were
being interesting and attractive, is think to herself
"What just happened? Why did he leave? Should I go
with him and keep talking to him? Should I just leave
because he probably doesn't like me? Did I say something
wrong?".

In other words, she's going to stand there thinking
about YOU and what she can do to start the conversation
again.

Really.

Is this creating some kind of "negative tension"?

Yes, it is.

But it's not the kind of negative tension that makes
situations with women go BAD.

It's the OTHER KIND. It's the kind that leads to SEXUAL
TENSION and CHEMISTRY.

Now, the BEST thing you can do in a situation like
this one is to say "Hey, I'm going to get back to
my friends over there... good talking to you..." and
then turn to walk away.

Right after you've "broken the connection", and she's
starting to go into the "what just happened and why
is he leaving" mode, you turn BACK around and say "Hey,
do you have email?"... then go into the 3 minute email/number
technique that I talk about in my ebook and Advanced
Series.

Get it?

Another important thought...

When you have to "say" something about who you are
as a man, how interesting you are, or how much she
should feel attracted to you with WORDS, it automatically
creates doubt... because if it was true, then you
wouldn't need to SAY it.

It would be OBVIOUS.

In other words, the best way to communicate all of
the most IMPORTANT things is through your BODY LANGUAGE.

What most guys try to do is CONVINCE a woman to feel
ATTRACTION by telling her all kinds of things about
themselves and trying to subtly drop little hints about
making money, driving a cool car, etc.

BORING.

And worse, it usually BACKFIRES.

Women can smell the "I'm actually insecure, so I am
trying to cover up for it by bragging" rap a mile
away.

It makes them RUN (unless they're out to use you for
free food and entertainment).

If you want to say all the right things in the shortest
possible time, then you need to learn how to communicate
with body language and voice tone ALONE.

WHAT you say isn't very important at all.

It really isn't.

HOW you say it is EVERYTHING.