How To Act On The First Date
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***THIS WEEK'S QUESTION***

As you might imagine, I get a lot of guys writing
in asking some variation of the question:

"How should I act on the first date?"

I get a lot of specific questions that are basically
variations of this... things like:

"What should we talk about?" and "How do you keep
the conversation interesting?"

So instead of answering one specific question, I'm
going to lump them all together... and I'm going to
just address them all in this Q&A Dating Tip.

Here goes...


THE FIRST DATE ISN'T AN INTERVIEW

The first thing to remember when you're meeting
up with a girl for "a date" is that it's NOT an INTERVIEW.

You're not applying for a job (and neither is she),
so don't act like it.

It's so funny to me when I sit down in a restaurant
and I hear a couple that's obviously out on their
first date... and the guy has no idea what to do.

It sounds like this:

"So, did you grow up around here?"

"Where did you go to school?"

"Do you have brothers and sisters?"

"What kinds of things do you like to do for fun?"

Painful.

Why is it that people tend to act like they're
on job interviews when they go out on dates?

It's just such the NOT-right thing to do.

I mean, no wonder women sit around with each other
and complain about how hard it is to find an interesting
guy in this world.

Here's a good rule of thumb:

ONLY ASK QUESTIONS OR TALK ABOUT COMMON, BORING,
PREDICTABLE TOPICS LIKE SCHOOL, WORK AND FAMILY IF
YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY RUN OUT OF ALL OTHER OPTIONS...
AND YOU REALLY ENJOY THAT CURIOUS DRY FEELING RIGHT
WHERE YOUR LEGS MEET.

And why is this?

Good question. And I'm glad you asked.

First, let's talk about WHY most guys allow the
conversation to turn to these ultra-boring topics...

Most guys approach a first date from the perspective
of "I don't want to screw this up".

In other words, they try to play it safe and not
do anything or say anything that the girl might not
like.

They try to present themselves as "nice guys" who
love mom, have a good job, and are stable.

Somehow, guys have gotten the idea that if they
act nice, buy dinner, and talk about the same old
things that everyone else uses to bore women to tears
that they might get lucky and score (or at least get
a kiss and a second opportunity to buy dinner).

I don't know where this concept came from, but
it's just not a very effective approach.

WOMEN AREN'T ATTRACTED TO THE SAME OLD SAME OLD,
BORING, PREDICTABLE CONVERSATION.

Attraction happens when there is energy, spice,
humor, mystery... COCKY AND FUNNY... and special sauce.

So if you want to create ATTRACTION instead of
BOREDOM, you're going to have to learn a new way.

You're going to have to learn to talk about something
else.

The trick to not talking about the "usual" things
is to know how to make conversation INTERESTING.

Let me ask you... what are the most INTERESTING
topics to humans in general?

Hint: Think best-selling books and TV shows...

Right - drama, violence, scandal, and comedy that
is painful to one of the parties involved.

Here are a few good ideas for conversation that
come to mind:

-Any Hollywood scandal involving anyone famous and
anyone of the opposite sex that's famous

-Any relationship drama going on between any pop star
and their new or ex boy/girl friend

-Anything that has to do with hip hop artists spending
too much money on rims that spin or diamonds in their
teeth

These topics will light up a conversation like
nobody's business. And they create all kinds of opportunities
to be cocky and funny while talking about the misfortunes
and neurotic behavior of others.

The trick is that you must remember you're NOT
there to impress her, and you're NOT on a job interview.

The more you act nervous, stilted, and uncomfortable...
like you're trying to impress her and get her approval...
and like you don't want to say anything that might
make her disapprove of you, the less likely you are
to trigger that all-important ATTRACTION inside of
her.

And here's a real twist on this theme:

If SHE starts asking the "normal" questions about
school, job, family, etc. this is a perfect opportunity
to bust on her and say "What, is this a job interview?"

Or "Can't you think of something interesting to
talk about? Please, spare me the pain of the usual
school-job-family conversation. Let's save that until
we're picking names for our kids."

If you MUST talk about something "normal" or "regular",
try sprinkling in a few of these ideas:

1) History. Women love to hear stories about the history
of places. If you're in an interesting part of town,
tell her the story of how the area came to be named,
or why the city was built where it is. And if the story
involves a tale of love and/or scandal, all the better.

2) Anything superficial, classy, and basically meaningless.
Try learning a little about fashion, this way you
can make fun of it while acting like you know what
you're talking about. "Didn't Madonna really screw
up the fashion world with this whole over-the-top fake
cowboy look thing?"

3) Comedy Psychological Analysis. Have fun by giving
your wild perspective on others. "You know, I've been
trying to figure out why so many people these days
are going postal and shooting everyone. I think it
might be all the lame music that's on the radio these
days..." This one can be a lot of fun... be creative.

Do you see where I'm going with this?

If you want to keep her interest, then you have
to be INTERESTING.

The old-fashioned act-like-you're-on-a-job interview
rap just doesn't cut it.

Now, for some guys, the ideas that I've just talked
about will make sense, but they won't come naturally.

That's OK. You may have to work on this for awhile,
especially if you've spent the last 25 or so years
doing the wrong thing.

Old Proverb: "No matter how far down the wrong
road you've gone, TURN BACK."

So remember, attraction isn't a choice. And attraction
doesn't make logical sense. If you want to create
that magical "chemistry", then you're going to have
to LEARN and PRACTICE it.

Repeat after me.

Out loud.

"I am not going on an interview... I am not going
on an interview... I am not going on an interview..."

Good. Keep that in mind.