How Long You Should Wait To Call Her
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If you've seen the classic cult movie "Swingers",
then you probably remember the part where the guys
are discussing how long a guys should wait to call
a woman after he's gotten her phone number.

The scene really hits home for a lot of guys, because
it gets down to a real-world situation that we all
confront and ponder.

I get lot of emails from guys asking me what to
do in this very situation.

The more I've thought about it, the more I realize
that this particular question (and the answer to it)
are part of a bigger, more important CONCEPT about how
to deal with women.

Let me explain.

When a guy asks me "How long should I wait to call
her?" this immediately tells me a few of things:

1. The guy doesn't feel like he's in control of the
situation. If he felt like he was in control, then
it he wouldn't ask, because it wouldn't matter.

2. The guy doesn't really "get" how male/female attraction
works. If he did get it, then he'd be thinking in
those terms rather than trying to figure out the exact
best amount of time to wait before calling.

To put it differently, the "when do I call her
back?" problem is part of a bigger concept, and once
you understand that bigger concept better, then you'll
have an automatic feel for when to call a woman back.

Most guys don't "get" one simple point:

If you want a woman to feel ATTRACTION for you,
then you must behave differently than if you want
her to feel that "just friends" feeling.

In the world of ATTRACTION, things can be completely
different.

For instance, our moms taught all of us guys to
"be nice" to women. This usually includes being sweet
and complimentary when first meeting them, answering
all of their questions directly, and giving them what
they want when they want it.

But if you want a woman to feel that INSTANT GUT
LEVEL ATTRACTION right from the beginning, then you're
going to have to put aside this kind of thinking,
and start learning some NEW ideas.

For instance:

1. A challenge is generally attractive to women.

2. Teasing and being evasive is generally attractive
to women.

3. Making fun of a woman's appearance in a flirty
way, as counter-intuitive as it might sound, can lead
to ATTRACTION.

I'm trying to communicate the idea that when you're
dealing with ATTRACTION, you have to put aside old
"normal" ways of thinking and behaving.

I would like to mention one more point before getting
into the specifics here...

These days, people are becoming very sensitive
to having "techniques" used on them.

If a salesman uses a sales technique on us, we
immediately get defensive and resistant.

If a panhandler asks for money in a way that smells
of "technique" we pass them by without pity.

If a business treats us like a "thing" or a number
instead of an individual person, we avoid them or buy
elsewhere.

We humans don't like having manipulation techniques
used on us, and when we detect that someone or something
is using one to get the better of us, we resist.

So let's get back to the "how long to wait before
calling her back" issue.

If you think about it, every situation is slightly
different. One time you might meet a woman in the
morning at coffee, and another time you might meet a
woman at a club at 1 in the morning.

If you wait too long to call her back, I think
you run the risk of seeming like you're just using a
technique on her, and you come across as a player who's
trying to do your thing on her.

When deciding how long to wait before you call
or email, I think it's important to ask yourself this
question:

"What will be likely to INCREASE THE ATTRACTION in
this situation?"

Here are a couple of ideas I have used with great
success:

1. Email instead of calling first. I personally email
the next day. I'll start with a charming email to get
the conversation started, then tell her that I'm going
to call in a day or two. This has the effect of making
contact with her relatively quickly, but still creating
anticipation because you haven't actually talked.

2. Call the next day, and make a joke about the situation.
I might call and say "Yea, I was watching Swingers
and they said to wait three days to call, but I was
kind of in more of a one day mood..."

If you didn't get her email address, and you MUST
use the phone, just do your best to avoid being AVERAGE.

I personally believe that our attention spans as
humans are getting shorter and shorter. We have more
and more information coming in from television, newspapers,
and other sources, and we're getting cultural ADD.
I think that if you wait too long, you're risking
either being seen as using a technique, or risking
being forgotten altogether.

But if you make the opposite mistake and call too
soon (for instance a few hours later), you run the
risk of being seen as a needy wuss who has no life.

In a recent newsletter, I wrote about why it's
important to leave immediately after getting a woman's
email and/or number.

How long you should wait to call her back is a
natural extension of this.

As a matter of fact, if you get a woman's email/number
and then you keep coming over to talk to her, it can
almost be seen as waiting 5 minutes to call her.

There's no anticipation, and it says all the wrong
things.

A couple of other quick pointers for when you're
making that first call:

1. Be busy. If you're going to ask her to join you
for tea or something similar, make sure you mention
two times that you're busy for every one time that
you're available.

2. Don't linger on the phone. Make that first call
short and to the point. If you stay on the phone for
more than a few minutes, you're running the risk of
getting into a normal "What do you do?" "Where do you
live?" "Where did you go to school?" conversation.
Avoid.

To summarize, when in doubt wait a day or so to
contact her again.

But more importantly, think about the situation
in terms of anticipation and ATTRACTION, so when you
do make contact it creates the correct context.