Hey all, I am not a regular poster here. But just saw this topic where I can share my problems with...You might have come across the same situation with your friends too or may be in your own life...but for me, it has happened for the first time and Iam on the verge of an emotional breakdown.

I am in love with a woman. She is my colleague. We both started to have a normal friendship relationship during the months of april-may '06. I was never much interested in her as I had suffered a heart break when I met her (due to a puppy love). Then we had it going as a steady friendship. We used to talk over the phone for hours, hang out together...etc. But she had a boy friend and she kept reminding me this all the time. But despite this I fell in love with her. I don't understand the reasons, but still I fell in love with her. I confessed it to her. She said she loves me as a friend, and nothing more. Her boyfriend, meanwhile, is working in the iddle East. He has now returned for Christmas holidays. Things began to get worse once she said he was returning to home for a vacation. I am really obsessed with her now to give her up. Her interest towards me is fluctuating and I can't read her mind. I have gone up to the extent of thinking about suicide. He is here today. I might sound a loser, but she is my first real love. Can any one suggest me of ANY way at all to win her heart? Is it possible? Please do suggest and if you want to ask more questions, please do ask.

Hey all, I am not a regular poster here. But just saw this topic where I can share my problems with...You might have come across the same situation with your friends too or may be in your own life...but for me, it has happened for the first time and Iam on the verge of an emotional breakdown.

I am in love with a woman. She is my colleague. We both started to have a normal friendship relationship during the months of april-may '06. I was never much interested in her as I had suffered a heart break when I met her (due to a puppy love). Then we had it going as a steady friendship. We used to talk over the phone for hours, hang out together...etc. But she had a boy friend and she kept reminding me this all the time. But despite this I fell in love with her. I don't understand the reasons, but still I fell in love with her. I confessed it to her. She said she loves me as a friend, and nothing more. Her boyfriend, meanwhile, is working in the iddle East. He has now returned for Christmas holidays. Things began to get worse once she said he was returning to home for a vacation. I am really obsessed with her now to give her up. Her interest towards me is fluctuating and I can't read her mind. I have gone up to the extent of thinking about suicide. He is here today. I might sound a loser, but she is my first real love. Can any one suggest me of ANY way at all to win her heart? Is it possible? Please do suggest and if you want to ask more questions, please do ask.


im also not a regular visitor to this section, infact this may be my first vist... dont take my words to heart or with too much thought as they may infact just be nonesense..

in my opinion.. hearts in this sense can never truly be 'won', they must be given.. if i were you, i would find the right moment in time.. tell her your feelings... take time to fully understand and appreciate her feelings.. and then ask yourself what is the right thing to do.


Take care,

Vensky

Thanks a lot Vensky for your reply...It really made me feel much better...I have taken time...spoken to her about everything what I felt towards her...and last night he had arrived her. They spent the night together. I called her in the morning only to realise that she was not at her home, but in his...I felt tranquilized the very moment...I feel like a zombie already...I went to the pharmacy to buy some pills that could put me to permanent sleep...but unfortunately they don't give it without a prescription...I love her so much...I feel like I have been waiting all my 25 years of life just to meet her and fall in love...When I am with her....I can't describe the feeling in words...out of all the women I have met...there is a special something in her which still holds me, binds me towards her...something that which tells me I am here for her. I feel so dead now...punched into the wall and my knuckles are paining...She wouldn't attend my phone calls now...How can someone change so much overnight? I am on the verge of losing hope...but I will never the same man I used to be if I miss her..because she means so much to me....so much, that even she can't understand....so much...so much....so much...

another day goes by...sun sets and the moon rises...The same stars which i see she also sees but somewhere else with someone else...while I wait here for her to come back to me...

yet another day....but things do just get worse...somewhere i read...the hardest part of holding on is letting go...and may be that's what i am doing right now!!

hey there first of all ......this is shaggy666 here .........
i read your post .......i hve been thru the same position as you are as of now .....
see blue eyes life is really about how you live it and not how long or short a life is we have.............to live on .....cause running away from a situation or contemplating sucide is not a way to deal with any situation in life ......

before you think of buying pills and all that ....ways to end your life ......close your eyes and see your parents .....and your siblings ......think about what would be there condition if you were not there......
just for your feelings about this girl you love........you have become selfish and you dont care about the people who have already made a huge impact in your life ......(your parents)

if you really love this girl .......learn to give her up ....if you really becone obbesed with her you would end up hurting her emotionally and also would loose her frendship............and you will end up hating your self for what you would become .....

as a friend who has never met you or spoken to you before all i can tell you is that become freinds with her .....and if you think that is not possible then distance your self from her...........out of sight helps to put a person out of your mind (out of sight ....out of mind)

and cheerup man .......think of all the good things you have done in your life and all the oppurtunities you have in the future to do something valuable in life ..........

start going out with friends cause when in a situation like this ....you will need a support structure to help you emotionally.........

so rule one keep you freinds or a close confident near by......

rule two .......feel like dying then there are a million people who would give any thing to be in your shoes

rule three .......think about your parents ........you have a responsibility.......

rule four start the procss of forgetting her ..........start hanging out with friends ......go out to movies .......meet some new people..........
the human heart is really a wonderful device it will start beating for a new person

rule five start being happy ..........cause a man is not happy until he stands up and decides to be happy............

feel like talking leave a message will reply to you
bye for now
take care

Hi. By the name (your "name" here, on this forum), i didn't think one second that you are in such a "trouble"...
First things FIRST: if she ALREADY told you that you are ONLY a friend for her, it's kinda tricky / hard to spark some attraction in front of her, but not impossible.
I know (and i'm sincere with you!) it's kinda hard to do this: try to not call her a while, try to find some other fun activities or girls to hang out as a friends and BECOME BUSY for her!
How old are you and how old are she?
Try to live your life as much as you can (there are plenty to do) and, if you have a circle of friends, hang out BUT separatelly on those meetings and there try to not pay SO MUCH ATTENTION on HER! Not in a sad way or not in a rude one, only enjoy what others have to say. If, by any circumstances, your way home it's the same with her afterwards, try to be relaxed, don't show her that you already build an pedestal for her to stay in front of you and tease her with something, even if, at a first glance, she think that you are sarcastic.
Again, because SHE told you what she told about her feelings for you (just friend...), it's in vain to show her how much you love her. That denotes (in front of her right now) that you are NOT an attractive man for her right now...only another boy / man who try to win her attention.
No offence, m8: be a little bit more than an "another" one on her agenda.
Be a challenge for her either, if you know what i mean.
About suicide...Are you so young? Or just because you feel that she is your first and only love???
Cheers, be strong and all the best :-)

P.S. it's a very long discussion...she likes muslims only? she is an european or muslim? what's your religion? etc.

well...thanks to to the replies mepetrut and shaggy666...you people have really made me feel a lot better...well am 25 and she is 24...things are looking kinda different for the past few days...sometimes i feel like gettting over her and sometimes i feel like am still stuck with her...occasional messges and no calls...that's how it goes on now...i really thank you 2 people for the concern you've taken to reply me...no longer i feel suicidal...i just gave a thought to it...and i felt like i should go out and a whole new world...but still the yearning for her is still there...the longing....it's still there and i can't avoid it...the times that have gone by...the moments that were shared...the talks...the food...i do really the loss at times...well mepetrut...her BF is not a muslim, he just went to middle for his job....am a hindu and she is a christian..and so is her BF...lookingfor more advice from you people...am really thankful to you both....

Spend the quality time with your friends (boys and girls) and if she is incuded in your meetings, try to show her that are you happy with your life but not in a rude manner. Only a little bit distant. And be yourself :-)
Have an better New Year and cheers :-)

thanks a lot mepetrut...for the first time am feeling that am not alone in this forum! feeling much better for the past few days...music has consoled me a lot too...but still the feeling remains...yeah...i know that deep wounds heal leaving a scar....

those scars / memories gave some power for the future. no1 has a life without memories, nice AND less nice...but those are lessons from which we can learn...learn how we can be an better, strong person and learn how we are INSIDE. besides meditation, martial-arts, yoga, tai-chi etc...which gave us an complete result. All the best :-)

what you have said is absolutely true mepetrut...what iam going through now has made me understand the importance of family and what they mean to me...and how close and how much concerned our friends are...i have started to feel so distant from her...yet the memories of yesterday keep tormenting when i try to act that am not at all bothered...about her....its really hard....

pleased that u began to recover ...

i'm only 18 , so dont care alot about my words .....

i see u r not in the same religion .... so better 4 u to find another girl that believe in ur thoughts and ur relegious matters ..... couze i think this is one of the main reasons that made (the wall between u & her ) ....

as they told above , just dont think too much of her & try to get yourself busy , care more of ur responsibilities ( ur family - ur job - ...etc) & try doing alot more activities (ur hobbies/interests) ..... & believe that u will find a better girl with a better future .....

excuse my bad english & my own thoughts
regards,

thankyou very much antone...even if you are 18...you have indeed given me a really valuable advice...thanks for that...yes people...i am following your advices and getting along...but...the hardest part is letting go....it's a pity that she never understood what she means for me...to what extent her loss has driven me to...sometimes i think i have got over her...sometimes i simply lie back and count the stars thinking of the good old days we had...can't chage my mind...i really can't...i can't feign that i don't bother about her...while all i really want on the inside is her....

thankyou very much antone...even if you are 18...you have indeed given me a really valuable advice...thanks for that...yes people...i am following your advices and getting along...but...the hardest part is letting go....it's a pity that she never understood what she means for me...to what extent her loss has driven me to...sometimes i think i have got over her...sometimes i simply lie back and count the stars thinking of the good old days we had...can't chage my mind...i really can't...i can't feign that i don't bother about her...while all i really want on the inside is her....

I'm 32. Try not to suffocate her with your actions / thoughts all the time. The religion it's not an impediment...Only if she didn't like other religions at all. Then it'll be harder to show her that are people like you who have the same fellings and love (even strong one) than christians or jewish or whatever...

yes mepetrut...what you have quoted is true..but as far as i have known about her..she is not very religious and religion was not even a topic of discussion in our conversations. guys...an interesting thing...i had ordered flowers to be delivered to her home for one month...of course i did it when i was in frustration and when i was REALLY crazy about her...she called up and told me to stop this thing...and i did...then i didn't know what to do with those flowers and took them to my office and placed them on my desk which attracted many people on the floor and now i have become the flower vendor for the entire floor!! and suddenly she pops up out of nowhere and demands the flowers for her saying that i had ordered them for her and demands it for her...i have made it clear that the flowers have nothing to do with her and she's just going through an ego problem now...but she wouldn't listen...what more can i do?

yes mepetrut...what you have quoted is true..but as far as i have known about her..she is not very religious and religion was not even a topic of discussion in our conversations. guys...an interesting thing...i had ordered flowers to be delivered to her home for one month...of course i did it when i was in frustration and when i was REALLY crazy about her...she called up and told me to stop this thing...and i did...then i didn't know what to do with those flowers and took them to my office and placed them on my desk which attracted many people on the floor and now i have become the flower vendor for the entire floor!! and suddenly she pops up out of nowhere and demands the flowers for her saying that i had ordered them for her and demands it for her...i have made it clear that the flowers have nothing to do with her and she's just going through an ego problem now...but she wouldn't listen...what more can i do?

Funny, if this is real lool
You should said to her it's free to have it but in THAT moment those flowers are for you viewing pleasure, not for her and if she want them, only gives you the money for them...Tricky one, 'cause she ALREADY knows that are from you, especially for her...

mepetrut...another interesting thing...when iam outta her...she suddenly texts me saying that, stressing that iam still in love with her...i want to put into her mind that iam out of her....how to say it....? guys...please come up with an idea!!!

mepetrut...another interesting thing...when iam outta her...she suddenly texts me saying that, stressing that iam still in love with her...i want to put into her mind that iam out of her....how to say it....? guys...please come up with an idea!!!

Don't say her anything more and don't respond of her messages. No matter how much the break up hurt, just remember that there are better times ahead...all you have to do is wait...or maybe even better...do something about it! It's your "call" also if you want to show her that you'll need her as a further friend on not. If you really need to say her "i don't want to hear from you anymore" or " i don't want you even as friend", just say it in a mature disscusion between you and her. BUT pay attention: girls / womens are better when it comes to see your gestures and interpreting them (if she already knows from your actions / voice / statements that you love her, you'll need an radical change of behaviour of yours in front of her!)!
Don't spend all the time to show her that you are in love with her.
I think you have others important things to attend and you may communicate this to her in a neutral way (not too happy, not too sad). Cheers.

yes mepetrut..what you have said is true...i have even told her straight on her face that iam getting over her...but..the hardest part...is getting over her itself...she still holds to the idea that iam in love with her...what is she trying to establish through this? seeking my attention? but why? she already has a man..what difference am i going to make in her life? she rubbished my relationship...she said it as "nonsense" (her exact words) something in me died at the very moment...because i loved her so much...really very much...but she never understood it...now the moment is gone...and she says am in love with her... :(

She has her right to "tease" you, as you fell in love for her so quickly...Maybe, if you teased her only once in the begining, the situation was upside-down now...If she said to you that she know/feel that you are in love with her, try to show her that you are not (read again previous post of mine) and show her that you are alittle bit busy with other things / appointments / friend meetings...

ok...got it...will follow it...but i have no idea when this tom&jerry game is going to end...*sigh*....thanks for the advice mepetrut...

...but i have no idea when this tom&jerry game is going to end...*sigh*

NEVER, especially if the girl / woman like it SOOO much...
Take care and all the best :-)

gosh!! but the truth is...somewhere in a single strand of tissue in my body...i still love her...why does she have to know when she is with another one...i've told her to get lost....but she wouldn't listen...sometimes she mesages...sometimes she does not...she calls me up last evening and stresses that she still likes me...but why the heck should i know this? there is already some one else... :'(

gosh!! but the truth is...somewhere in a single strand of tissue in my body...i still love her...why does she have to know when she is with another one...i've told her to get lost....but she wouldn't listen...sometimes she mesages...sometimes she does not...she calls me up last evening and stresses that she still likes me...but why the heck should i know this? there is already some one else... :'(

You are at her mercy and she knows that, SO...Stop answer to her calls (or make them informal only 'cause you are busy...) and don't respond back to her messages. Only wish her all the best with her life as you are going to make the same with yours. Don't make her game, because you didn't make the rules anymore.
OR you can act (and show this to her) in a persuasive way to spark some attraction (not only jokes) from her side towards you.
BUT (again) it's kinda tricky because she knows already that you are in so much love with her.
So, imo, try to let things happen for a while and take care of our life.

And to cheer you up a little...:
A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spend
$15,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she
stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the
clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 32," is the reply.

"Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl
the very same question.

The girl replies, "I'd guess about 29."

The woman replies with a big smile, "Nope, I'm 50."

Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store
on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints
and asks the clerk this burning question.

The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."

Again she proudly responds, "I'm 50, but thank you!"

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next
to her the same question.

He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was
young, there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds
very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra.
Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are."

They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the
best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead."

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around
very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he
gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them
against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay...How old am
I?"

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and
says, "Madam, you are 50."

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you
tell?"

The old man says, "Promise you won't get mad?"

"I promise I won't." she says.

"I was behind you in line at McDonald's."

Hello! I have no idea that this part exist on ipmart till now. I hope I will be able to advice you.

Firstly, to make things simple, other's have said it before, and I will do too. Try TO NEVER love a girl more than she loves you. A relationship is built on THREE important processes. The TRUST, UNDERSTANDING, and of course the LOVE. What you are showing her is how you feel. She might have a boyfriend, and hearts can be "won".

Secondly, never confess to a girl about suiciding for her or some sort. To a girl, it might feel a little pathetic. Yes, I am honest with you. Being honest is the only way to search your soul deep down inside. If you do find yourself pathetic, that shows that you are learning.

Thirdly, even if she has a boyfriend, it doesn't matter! If she were to fall in love with you one day, does a boyfriend matter? Try your very best to be friends with her. Don't forget her or try to forget her because it's pretty impossible and painful process.

Fourth, heard of reverse psycology? Try it for once. One day call her, and change the way you normally speak. Treat her as a normal girl, someone you arent so close. She is a human too. If she is truly has a liking towards you, she will feel weird and trust me, you will know it.

Fifth, manage your time. Relationships aren't all important. Time is. Look how old you are. Is love all you got? Think about it. She may be the one for you, if that's what you think, but working hard/studying hard, is more important.

I hope I did help you and please do reply more if you need help. It's natural to feel this way for your age.

thanks a lot to mepetrut and mich...you guys make me feel so fine..the day before yesterday she called me up and said all the cajoling words and i was lost for a moment...she said she still likes me while i kept persisting that i don't feel the same way to her...she talked for nearly 30 minutes which is the longest so far since her boyfriend arrived here (dec 18th). i really started trusting that she has changed her mind...last night she didn't turn up to the office...i just calculated what might have happened....the thing is...she wants to spend time with him...but i think he's kind of busy at the moment...it was a sunday and she expected to go out with him...but he doesn't turn up...she gets frustrated....she calls me up and talks to me....then he contacts her...a little fight...then takes her to his home...and after the night the fight is over...now...my question is...why does she have to pull me in when they are in a tug of war? iam just trying to get her out of my mind...these things only make my condition worse...it's really painful....really painful.....really.... :cry:

Well my friend, she is as confused as you are probably. At first she kept presisting herself that she didn't like you, she probably ain't toying with your emotions.

It all comes down to you. Well, treat her as a friend. The past is the past ain't it? Don't think too much. If you had decided to let her go, do that. Treat her as your best friend and no more. That'll definitely ease that pain of yours. Like all of the posters, you should really hang out with other friends of yours. It will definitely help as it keep her/things out of your mind for the moment, but that doesn't mean that you evade the decision, and leaving this unsettled.

Face it like a man. When you look back sometime in the future, you will know that you didn't make a wrong move, a move that will bring regret to you. Do what you think it's right. Noone can advice you what to do next. It all comes down to you. Good luck my friend. I hope this helped. And you are definitely welcome!

thanks a lot to mepetrut and mich...you guys make me feel so fine..the day before yesterday she called me up and said all the cajoling words and i was lost for a moment...she said she still likes me while i kept persisting that i don't feel the same way to her...she talked for nearly 30 minutes which is the longest so far since her boyfriend arrived here (dec 18th). i really started trusting that she has changed her mind...last night she didn't turn up to the office...i just calculated what might have happened....the thing is...she wants to spend time with him...but i think he's kind of busy at the moment...it was a sunday and she expected to go out with him...but he doesn't turn up...she gets frustrated....she calls me up and talks to me....then he contacts her...a little fight...then takes her to his home...and after the night the fight is over...now...my question is...why does she have to pull me in when they are in a tug of war? iam just trying to get her out of my mind...these things only make my condition worse...it's really painful....really painful.....really.... :cry:

my pleasure...
Try harder (i know it's hard) to minimise your conversations with her right now until YOU regain some confidence or else you are just playing HER game of deceiving. If you see that she talk about her boyfriend, just say you are sorry and tell her you have your life / things to attend right now and MAYBE you talk again when you have some more time!
And put in practice YOUR life! Time will resolve in a way or another those moments and pay attention when you are to intervene...and how (read again previous posts)...because...
A friend asked a man how it is that he never married ?
Replied the gentleman, "Well, I guess I just never met the right woman...I guess I've been looking for the perfect girl."
"Oh, come on now," said the friend, "Surely you have met at least one girl that you wanted to marry."
"Yes, there was one girl...once. I guess she was the one perfect girl...the only perfect girl I really ever met. She was just the right everything.. .I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me."

"Well, why didn't you marry her," asked the friend.
"She was looking for the perfect man," he said.
Cheers up!

i don't know how to react under this situation-mepetrut and mik, i don't want to escape this situation and i don't want to see her either....working in the same place...it's getting difficult more by the day for me to avoid her...sometimes it looks like she loves me so much..and some other time...it appears as if she is avoiding me.... :cry:

why do i have to undergo this pain? i know that escaping the situation does NOT help me..but is that going to change my situation am in now? i can't bear to watch my best friend\love sitting next to someone else...i know it's not right...but...am not a saint either.... :cry:

it's just a mortal life....i desired for nothing else but her....she called me to the cafe last night and talked...i just...felt like...floating in the air...it's been so long....i was dying to see her...feel her so close...but i couldn't say it...if i had just desired her for her body, i would have gotten over her by name...but she's been there now like a part of my soul...a fragment of me is with her...i can never be a complete man without her...will she ever understand it?

i don't know how to react under this situation-mepetrut and mik, i don't want to escape this situation and i don't want to see her either....working in the same place...it's getting difficult more by the day for me to avoid her...sometimes it looks like she loves me so much..and some other time...it appears as if she is avoiding me.... :cry:

why do i have to undergo this pain? i know that escaping the situation does NOT help me..but is that going to change my situation am in now? i can't bear to watch my best friend\love sitting next to someone else...i know it's not right...but...am not a saint either.... :cry:

it's just a mortal life....i desired for nothing else but her....she called me to the cafe last night and talked...i just...felt like...floating in the air...it's been so long....i was dying to see her...feel her so close...but i couldn't say it...if i had just desired her for her body, i would have gotten over her by name...but she's been there now like a part of my soul...a fragment of me is with her...i can never be a complete man without her...will she ever understand it?

MAN! You didn't understand (from what you read earlier) that she is playin' with you?
Try to take care of your life, with friends and other girlfriends!
HOW CAN YOU SAY "i can never be a complete man without her...will she ever understand it"???
Love / respect implies BOTH-sides, not only your side, in this "case"...
With this attitude (and suicidal thoughts earlier from your side), the next step would be the rape on her ?!?
Chill out and re-read (if you want) previous posts and MOVE FORWARD with your life...The time should teach you how to deal with it. Cheers up, m8 :-) :party:

Aye, I agree with mepetrut though he might say it a little harsh. I wouldn't say she is playing with you. More like she is confused as much as you are.

Love can be a messy thing. It can cause great happiness to some, instill great care towards another being, but at the same time cause great anguish and depression. You really should forget about her as being "the one". Treat her as one of your friends. You can be close, but that feeling of love should not stay.

Living something in the past, or something which never happens, is never nice, never fun, and not at all great. To other people, they might even look down on you. Would you want that? Would you sacrifice that much for a person to lose all social standings? If you say yes, that shows you haven't learn.

Though it is hard, forgetting someone you love is near impossible, but hey, i said "near impossible". Sooner or later you will do so. You will find your "one". Like saying, why stick to a fish when there're millions of other fishes? Who knows you might be with an even prettier girl which loves you more?

I hope you do rememeber never time to never show too much of your feelings. Love is all about trust, understanding and care, and certainly have no place for emotions to fit in. Do not worry so much and GO on with life. Like what Met here said

i know love should be mutual mepetrut...but i get so confused at times that am unable to think clear...if she had been this way from the beginning i would've moved on long back..but how can someone so close and so near and dear to me...can change so suddenly...she has left me in ruins...and still i hold to the fact that i don't have any physical intentions towards her...i definitely don't...unless the day she is willingly mine...she knows this very well...and she knows about my morality and that's why she is still holding on to me...all that i need is her love...not her body...and i do believe in the fact that there are lots of fishes...but if do go to another woman...doesn't that mean that i never really loved her? won't that mean that i just used her for my pastime? i CAN move to another one...that's no big deal...but life is NOT about that...it's all about finding the right person....even if you had to spend atleast an hour with them...i believe that i have found the right person in her...never ever will i find another one so perfect in my life...and that's the truth...wherever i may go...whoever i talk to...my mind does not move away from her...i feel her in every breath..i sense her in my every thought...she's a part of me...

and still i hold to the fact that i don't have any physical intentions towards her...i definitely don't...unless the day she is willingly mine...she knows this very well...and she knows about my morality and that's why she is still holding on to me...all that i need is her love...not her body...

maybe, sorry, MAYBE this is the answer to her attitude?!


and i do believe in the fact that there are lots of fishes...but if do go to another woman...doesn't that mean that i never really loved her? won't that mean that i just used her for my pastime? i CAN move to another one...that's no big deal...but life is NOT about that...it's all about finding the right person....even if you had to spend atleast an hour with them...i believe that i have found the right person in her...never ever will i find another one so perfect in my life...and that's the truth...wherever i may go...whoever i talk to...my mind does not move away from her...i feel her in every breath..i sense her in my every thought...she's a part of me...

I agree with you in the first part (fishes, another woman, no big deal...) BUT...
THIS is her style and YOU (or anybody else) can't change it! AGAIN, try to cope with what i've write / said to you and you'll see some "fireworks" in her attitude (change her style / hair / behaviour) towards you...If you complain all the time and SHOW her HOW MUCH you love her, IT'S IN VAIN! Wait for attraction took place and we'll talk later...:cry: / :) / :tonqe:


she's a part of me...

You already know / discovered that reciprocaly it's not the same...So...Read again above :idea:

ok..mepetrut...i will wait and watch...let's see what happens...i will keep you updated as much as possible...

she was leaving to another town to see her nephew and grandma...iam really fond of her grandma...a nice woman she is...had even met her once and talked with her...i had bought some candies for the kids...went to the cafe to meet her and give them to her...she suddenly flashed her purse in which she had his photo...she never used to such things before...she never used to talk about him to me or carry his stuff along with her...i don't know what came up on me...i pushed away my chair..and came back to my cabin and wept for some time...it went till the end of the day...she messaged me back saying that she is not going to be with me here always...i should get used to such things...but i only asked for her love...why such things should happen? :cry: i never asked for anything else from her...whatever i do...i do for her...why doesn't just understand this? :cry:

she was leaving to another town to see her nephew and grandma...iam really fond of her grandma...a nice woman she is...had even met her once and talked with her...i had bought some candies for the kids...went to the cafe to meet her and give them to her...she suddenly flashed her purse in which she had his photo...she never used to such things before...she never used to talk about him to me or carry his stuff along with her...i don't know what came up on me...i pushed away my chair..and came back to my cabin and wept for some time...it went till the end of the day...she messaged me back saying that she is not going to be with me here always...i should get used to such things...but i only asked for her love...why such things should happen? :cry: i never asked for anything else from her...whatever i do...i do for her...why doesn't just understand this? :cry:

M8, are you for real??? Or you like to joke with me and you and...whatever....No offence, but you (or/and) her are meant to be together to make eachother life so crazy...OR NOT! (no offence, again...you two are too faaaaar so bored of life and try to kill each other...It's democracy, so feel free, but don't count on ANYONE, not even on you!)

when we advice someone so much...and when that person does not listen to it...and repeats his actions over and over again...we just go mad to the extreme towards him...probably that's how you must be feeling towards me now mepetrut...but...i had no one else to resort to.....and this was the only place where i could vent out my woes...that's the reason i started the thread...looking for consolation...am just trying to recover again...let's see how many days i can hold on to myself.... *sigh*

when we advice someone so much...and when that person does not listen to it...and repeats his actions over and over again...we just go mad to the extreme towards him...probably that's how you must be feeling towards me now mepetrut...but...i had no one else to resort to.....and this was the only place where i could vent out my woes...that's the reason i started the thread...looking for consolation...am just trying to recover again...let's see how many days i can hold on to myself.... *sigh*

I don't, sorry, DON'T give advices and do not want people listen to ME!
I ONLY wrote my oppinion for your matter...
It's YOUR choice (AND LIFE) to extract what YOU think is good for you...
About consolation...I understand you (or at least i tried and try) BUT YOU have to move on FORWARD!!! Not to rely on past!
Your friends didn't want to cheer you up or YOU did not wanted that?!
Or you think it's better to stay secluded, with your pain???
"S**t" happens everywhere ("wise" statement i wrote, did i ???). So...like you are cleaning, this is how you sleep (kinda saying).
PLEASE, don't take quick / mad actions. Instead, try to FEEL the life with the dear person(s) BUT no "slavery" in those actions...
Try to EARN and GIVE respect and empathy and BE yourself, not how I / others told you.
If you "cry" in front of her or all the people, it's good BUT (f**k, again this but...) you must recover / stop it, eventually, or else...Nobody needs an "weak" person near her / him! That's our world rule...Instead you'll need to be a little bit false / hypocryte for SOME (and i repeat SOME) people to respect YOU!
I hope you to find the OTHER people, not those SOME people...
Try to do some actions which require and pays-off adrenaline ( not russian roulette!) and you'll fell much better, MUCH CONFIDENT!
Take care, all the best and be yourself! :) :partyman: :)

And, again, to cheer you up a little, check this:

A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.
Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses him, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you into the Kingdom of Heaven?"
The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi driver, from New York."

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

Now it's the priest's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am the Right Reverend Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

"Just a minute," says the priest. "That man was a taxi driver. Why does he get a silken robe and golden staff?"

"Results," shrugged Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept. When he drove, people prayed."

Moral of the story : It's Performance, not Position, that counts :lol:

you really did cheer me up mepetrut....i am kind of very sensitive guy...not mingling with any one else...and stuff like that...if i were such a person...i would not be venting out my woes here...anyways...even from my school days...people used to vent their sorrows and anger in me...am kind of a sluggish person and follow my own certain rules...calling them as morality which i know makes me look like a nerd in the other's eyes...but i have never made an effort to change myself...because i never felt a need for that...and when this woman came into my life...i felt being respected...someone who gave an ear to listen what i told...for the first time someone was there to give a heed to what i told....i don't know if it's my fault or something...most of the times iam non reactive....and under certain circumstances i become extremely explosive...i try to be like everyone else...but my inner being does not let me be....

...and when this woman came into my life...i felt being respected...

AND WHERE IS THA PROBLEM, mate? So far, soooo gooood.


...i don't know if it's my fault or something...most of the times iam non reactive....and under certain circumstances i become extremely explosive...i try to be like everyone else...but my inner being does not let me be...
BINGO! (again...) BE YOURSELF, not ACTING!
If you'll act, act in a "right" way (i mean: you'll need to be SURE of other people feelings to ACT in a way they like it...
AND YOU ARE NOT YOURSELF A N Y M O R E by doin' that!). So...You rise your bar and THEY obey or not, but don't "kill" yourself with doin' that!!!

hmmmm...am trying mepetrut....still trying in vain....it's been 4 days since i saw her or messaged her....just holding it all inside...

hmmmm...am trying mepetrut....still trying in vain....it's been 4 days since i saw her or messaged her....just holding it all inside...

And, in the meantime, you FEEL the life (even with those contradictory feelings) or you lay in the past?!? Just a thought...PLEASE (again), try to LIVE your life and the rest will follow...Just two thoughts, if i'm allowed :)
P.S. DON'T THINK THAT I'M JOKING or make fun of you! Only...express my thoughts, thanks to YOU.

first time reading this thread..just want to say..i am glad u are now probably single and also enjoying life instead of being obsessed with her..continue with it..

it's been a long time since it posted here....things haven't changed much...but they have slid to the worst...talking to her for quite sometime now...trying to be normal...

...but they have slid to the worst...talking to her for quite sometime now...trying to be normal...

WORST? For WHO?? Normal...hmm...I'm glad but be carefull: what it's means normal to one person, it may be not for other(s) one(s):!:

ooops..sorry..i just meant to say...things have NOT slid to the worst...it's just going on....friendship or love?? i can't guess....but being normal...i meant to be as usual like others...and not sullen all the time!!

Cool then :)
Wait and (maybe) love come on the way and surprise you :roll: because you are not so "inflammed" / sullen now :)

Just thinking that this series of threads could add up to a nice story. what if she is invited to this forum and share her side. would that solve the whole episode? just contemplating:drinkers:

she already knows how much pain am undergoing...maybe she just feels sympathy towards me? is love measured by it's depth towards a person or is it measured by "who came first" factor? can somebody tell me?

she already knows how much pain am undergoing...maybe she just feels sympathy towards me? is love measured by it's depth towards a person or is it measured by "who came first" factor? can somebody tell me?

Love, in my opinion, is made from attraction and RESPECT and LITTLE THINGS in every moment. Don't let her know about your pain. THIS IS NOT LOVE or healthy relationship period
And if you both measure your love and kick eachother asses with "i love you more then you love me", let me say: HMMM! Let her go with the wind / god / devil etc.

you're just right mepetrut!!!!! it's not about how much love we show towards each other...it's about how much happy the other should be...with us or without us.....what you said is correct....

you're just right mepetrut!!!!! it's not about how much love we show towards each other...it's about how much happy the other should be...with us or without us.....what you said is correct....

Unfortunately...for you...Let's cheer up :partyman: 'cause else, it's gonna be worse for you ONLY!

Women's day...she calls me up...was talking to her in a half drowsy condition after coming back from work...she thinks that am trying to avoid her...gosh!!!!....if want to avoid her, why would i pick up the phone in the first place? she's been replying to a stranger in our office microsite.....sort of conversations....am really frustrated....and...hey guys...did i tell you i gave her a puppy as her birthday gift? Dasch breed...!!! well that was last month...but, i just gave a thought about her and her attitude towards me...when she decides not to respect my words...why should be still crazy about her...damn...dignity is more important than love...atleast for me....

i just went through all the pages again....all these words...all the things that i have done for my love...seems like everything was just a waste of time and money...i was ready to even die for her....but, she never considered my worth....not even a moment....:cry: it's very unfortunate that i had chosen a person who doesn't even TRY to understand what i feel...i do not ask her to act the way i like...i just want her to give me some of her time and love...

....just want her to realise how much she means to me....i have shown all my love towards her...there will not be another person whom i can ever love so much...the love i showed to her...it's unique....she will never get it from someone else nor will i show it to somebody else....

In that case, make this to be HER loss, not yours...

yes...i think she has lost something....a person who loved her more than his own life....she lost him....

yes...i think she has lost something....a person who loved her more than his own life....she lost him....

Nice attitude so i'd gave you rep +. Read what i've wrote there, when you received :)
Cheers and LIVE YOUR LIFE!

thanks mepetrut!!!!you helped me a lot when i went through tough times....but the thread does not end here....it will continue!!!!

Hi mate

Let me tell you that I understand exactly what your're saying. I'm 27 now and I've had many relationships - with girls, of course :) And I even loved some of them. The worst thing is that our mind (or heart) is so badly built that we so easily fall in love with people that don't love us, the woman that we can't have.

When I was... 24, I guess, I met Diana (Diana, the ancient godess of hunting :) ) on a subway, going to work... she was so sweet, sitting absently and listing to some music, as a lazy little kitten. I went to her, told her who I was, blah blah, set up a date. Strange thing was, thoug we took the subway in the same direction for monts, roughly at the same time, I never saw her before. But after this, we accidentaly met a few times more, before I finally called her and went out. All this seemed like a match made in heaven, something that was written.

We met, and all was just perfect. Again, by a twist of fate, it was the Easter night, so we went to a restaurant and in the night passed by a church - and all was so perfect - lots of happy people on the street, with candles and lights... the Easter is a very joyfull moment in my country. I took her home and we kissed and I was madly in love.

But the next day, when we talked on the phone she told me that she had a boyfriend - this guy was not in town when we met - and was missing most of the time. And she said that still, we could be friends. Like you, I had my dignity, and I said no. "I have my friends - I wanted you as a woman, not just a friend. Why set for less?" And so we kept talking on the phone that day - and as we talked, I realised I wanted her so much - and we talked for hours. When finally I told her that I wanted to see her. So I took a cab, went to her place and made love all night.

After this, I told myself that she would be mine! She told me she doesn't want to leave her boyfriend, but I didn't care. I knew nothing could stop me. So I did everything I could - call her, write her, be her friend, remind her that I loved her - you know - all the things we men do in situations like this - basically, lying to ourselves. Things went on, we were meeting from time to time, clubbing sometimes, making love once in a while. Me, madly in love with her; she, loving her guy.

And this is where I ask you to listen to me: one day, being again mad by all this relationship, I stopped, took a step back and looked at my love life until that point. And I wondered: what the hack happened with all the love I had for the other girls? Why wasn't I feeling anything now? Why don't they seem to me that magical as they did? Why only Diana is now THE ONE? Did they change?

And the answer was NO! I changed! It's like this: when we find someone we like, we hope that this person is the one. This is the only way that you can love someone: when you think that she is the one to live all your life with. For this, she needs to have all the qualities you'd like in a women. She has to complete you and respond to what you dreamed all your life to find in a woman. That's why, when we fall in love, after a few dates, when we only know a few things about that woman, we give her all these qualities. We entrust her with all this. WE give her the magical powers to be THE ONE.

So the next date, I did this terrible effort of taking the vail off my eyes and looking at her as if I met her for the first time - and I found that she, like all others before her, was just a woman. Selfish, cheating on her boyfriend, tired, a little crazy (we all are!), ordinary. We only love because we choose to, because we want to. Because of circumstances. Because when we met her, we needed someone the way we think that girl was... but most of the times, she's not. We see her as we need to see her - as we want to see her.

So I turned my back to her - now, at 27 I live with a gorgeus woman that loves me. We are a team, we support eachother and we love eachother. Diana finally left that guy, but I didn't care.

I know that I loved her, that she still has some magical power over me. That's why, though I missed her from time to time, though my heart akes for her sometimes - the woman that didn't love me - I always stay away from her. Because SHE DOES NOT LOVE ME, SHE NEVER DID. ACCEPT THIS! MOVE ON! STOP CHEATING YOURSELF! THIS IS THE ONLY WAY YOU'LL FIND TRUE LOVE.

It's not a shame that she doesn't love you. It's not your fault. And it's not hers either! Move on! It's just the way it is. You only have one life. Make the best of it. Each second counts. Don't waste it! Go search for the love that will love you back. Trust me - she's there. And there are more than one.

man!!! in just one message, you rocked my world...really...i have no words...am too shocked now to write anything...it's just exactly what's happening in my life...gosh!!! i need some time to digest what you have written...i certainly do....let me reply after some deep thoughts...

It's like this: when we find someone we like, we hope that this person is the one. This is the only way that you can love someone: when you think that she is the one to live all your life with. For this, she needs to have all the qualities you'd like in a women. She has to complete you and respond to what you dreamed all your life to find in a woman. That's why, when we fall in love, after a few dates, when we only know a few things about that woman, we give her all these qualities. We entrust her with all this. WE give her the magical powers to be THE ONE.
.....and I found that she, like all others before her, was just a woman. Selfish, cheating on her boyfriend, tired, a little crazy (we all are!), ordinary. We only love because we choose to, because we want to. Because of circumstances. Because when we met her, we needed someone the way we think that girl was... but most of the times, she's not. We see her as we need to see her - as we want to see her.


I know that I loved her, that she still has some magical power over me. That's why, though I missed her from time to time, though my heart akes for her sometimes - the woman that didn't love me - I always stay away from her. Because SHE DOES NOT LOVE ME, SHE NEVER DID. ACCEPT THIS! MOVE ON! STOP CHEATING YOURSELF! THIS IS THE ONLY WAY YOU'LL FIND TRUE LOVE.

It's not a shame that she doesn't love you. It's not your fault. And it's not hers either! Move on! It's just the way it is. You only have one life. Make the best of it. Each second counts. Don't waste it! Go search for the love that will love you back. Trust me - she's there. And there are more than one.


superb!!! i just can't stop reading your message again and again....what you have written has helped me a lot....it has changed my views a lot....yes...it has....

i don't know what mepetrut is going to reply now...let's wait for his reply...may be he has a different take....

@asalceanu: nice experience BUT MORE NICER the result for you after you "cooked" in your mind & soul! All the BEST :)
@maalicious: i think that you are so happy when you saw that you are not the only one with deceived moments in life...So, i'm happy 'cause you are happy now :)

thanks mepetrut....it's not actually that i was happy that i'm the only one...i was happy because the way he was able to cope up with reality and move on with life...and the way he has put his words....he does sound to be a very good philosopher...a man who went through a lot of pain and emotional deceiving in his life....after i saw his post...i asked the woman to read this (who was at the moment having an online chat with her man) and it did create the expected reactions from her....she went berserk after reading this...

we then talked for around 2 hours the night....and....as he had said...i tried to look THROUGH her....and what did i find? She isn't much special as i had thought....she is another ordinary woman...when she has the power to move on with her life...why can't i do it then? when she can be callous why can't i?

may be i just fell in love with the woman...because i was just desperate...just wanted to share my life with someone...that's it...and as he has said...i gave her the values that she is the one....i made her special...she was not by herself....i made her life better in a few ways...she made mine in a few ways....that's that....apart from that there is no god damn thing....as she once mentioned to me before....SHE IS NOT MY TYPE AND NEITHER AM I....

and asalceanu....the woman whom i love(d)...her name is very similar to diana....(just don't want to reveal it here...sorry)

Good then. You start to "see" the life around you again.
About the name, because YOU mention it, just tell it ONLY to asalceanu by PM him :idea:

no problem people...i will PM both you guys...i haven't done this before...let me try...

Hi again

I'm very happy that I was able to present things to you in a different perspective - also, thank you too. I just realised that I never told anyone this story before and it's nice to share this kind of things from time to time and be really listened to...
It's strange how life goes... I usually screen only the Symbian 9.1 apps, but somehow your thread just poped, and out of curiosity I looked over it :) It was a story that came from my heart, and it's great how it managed to reach yours.

Besides this, now that we discussed a bit, I'm sure that you'll be just fine - from your writing, I can tell that you're a smart, deep and sensitive young man and sooner or later you'll make the right decision: keep the beautiful things from this relationship in your heart and leave behind all this anguish, deceit and suffering. Because our sense of selfpreservation is so deeply hidden inside us, it usually let us suffer just enough to learn our lessons (to see how people really are, prepare us for future encounters and future relationships, build our character) - and once the suffering does it's job of adding a new brick to our growing up, to our personality, your mind and heart will let you move on. Perhaps you're not ready to let her behind yet, but I assure you that one day you'll discover that you had enough unshared love, that you had enough suffering, that the sun shines over you too, that life is so full of wonderful things, wonderful sights, wonderful music, wonderful people, wonderful women... :) and you will be ready to move on. The change must come from within you.

And as I don't like to give advices, I won't tell you what I think you should do - as I said, I you're smart and you'll figure it out yourself. Just remember this:
Don't cry because it's over - be happy, because it happened.

Once when that guy was here...i called her up...they were in his place....and she told me that she can't talk to me....it just drove me insane...i inflicted self pain just because i can't love the woman in the way i supposed to love her still i remember the moments and the agony it had caused to my life...i picked up my pen and wrote a poem in the extremes of pain...i have written a lot such stuff before...but not something like this and so fast...till day this remains my personal best...just give it a read...it's not just words....it's my breath, my soul, my blood....my everything that i put into these words....:cry:

The agony of the Mighty Oak / the Scream

Once in the great forest
Lived a mighty Oak tree
A majestic tree among the Oaks
Sheltering little birds in his branches

Among the birds lived a little sparrow
Building her nest
Laying her eggs
Hidden amongst the leaves

Days passed by and civilization grew
The forest unrest and blue
Acid rains and lesser trees
The mighty Oak was still rooted

Then came a day
When he felt a sudden pain
And looked down to see
A wood cutter chopping him

It was then the other trees
Began to hear the scream
A silent scream so powerful
A scream that spoke more than words

A scream that traveled miles
A scream which made the other trees deaf
A scream that spoke of incapability
A scream that spoke about a broken heart

A scream which begged for dear life
A scream let out by the giant Oak
The woodcutter unaware
Chopped him down

And along with him crushing the sparrow
The branches that had sheltered her
Crushed her to death
And left the eggs battered

The Oak was silenced now
Laid on the ground
Mighty no more
Shedding invisible tears

He felt himself carried
To the saw mill
Splitting him and crafting him
They made him a box

A heart shaped box was he now
Couched on the shelf
In a glittery super mall among the many other
Valentine gifts

I picked him up
And placed my heart and soul
And gave it to you
But you threw it away

And never bothered to look
What I kept inside
I picked up the box and sat by the platform
Listening to the story of the Oak

In the snowfall, in the midnight
A few bitter tears roll out of my eyes
And stay frozen, to be warmed by a loving heart

I lay myself back on the platform
And count the stars
And the hexagonal snow flakes keep falling over my face
I draw the box closer to my heart

To keep him warm in the freezing cold
It was then did I hear the scream
It came from the box
A scream which was not for the sparrow
It was a scream for the broken hearts
A scream for two lonely hearts waiting to be loved.

:cry: no matter what i try, the trauma that she has left behind....it's increasing.....believe it or not, we both went to the movie the departed last night....in the dim light, i watched her face once....she was watching the screen with keen eyes....and it was glittering...i don't know...but every time something like this happens...i keep falling in love with her again and again and hate her as much as well!!!

waiting for mepetrut to reply....where are your jokes man???

i stay so close to her...we talk so much...we do a lot of stuff together...we eat the same stuff...but yet...she's not mine...so close, yet so far...damn....

Now i missed my words, so i extract those sayings...
1. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't
make you cry.
2. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them
knowing you can't have them.
3. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste
their time on you.
4. WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON. Be optimistic :)

A prisoner escapes from his prison where he had been kept for 15 years.

As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it.

He finds a young couple in bed.

He gets the guy out of bed, ties him up on a chair, ties up the woman to the bed and starts kissing her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.

While he is there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy is a prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent a lot of time in prison, and has not seen a woman in years. I saw the way he kissed your neck. If he wants to go all the way, dont resist, dont complain, just do what he tells you, give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he will kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you"

To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he found you very sexy, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too... 8-) :rolleyes:

the third one is just great!!!! got into a hell lotta trouble last night....there is a guy who works in our team....and he had been talking to her for quite some days...i wasn't aware of this...it lead to a lot of conflicts and heated up conversations...this guy is also a good buddy of mine...finally we all ended up so fed up with each other...all i ever asked out of her was...'just let me know that you are talking to a guy who is sitting next to me and messaging you'....now he has stopped talking to both of us...i feel so depressed....why can't she or he just give me a clue...and this guy----i know about him very well....and he knows how much i love her...why the hell? why me?in the end it tends to be shown that i am the worst in the lot and sound like a loser...i never gave her any restrictions...but she thinks so i am trying to choose her friends...it's only driving us apart now...might be the end of relationship now...it's just dying out day after day...and i try my best to save it...

You do all the work and worry in this relationship. STOP IT! I told you to try to be a little bit distant, MAN! If not, don't expect something good for you to happen...DON'T SUFFOCATE HER :idea: And you also...

yes mepetrut...felt bad....staying away from her...that's the best i can do for her...

...that's the best i can do for her...

Nope, just for you. She is ok always, as you can see...

over and over again...we keep fighting over silly things...but i have a hope..but may be...just may be....somewhere in the corner of her mind...she may still be fond of me...

If you'll expect, like a child / puppy, her attention, you'll never have the RESPECT, not to mention love! Only dissapointments...or worse, as you can see it by yourself! But, it's your choice and my harsh (or / and true) oppinion. No offence!

so the best thing is just go on with life...and treat her like just another buddy? but that's what is difficult for me.... no offence taken pal.....

I already face it (and you also) that is sooo hard BUT, right now, is the best solution for you. Be a little bit distant with her and even busy for her. Cope with that, don't show her your feelings for a while and the sunny days will take place for you. Soon :) . Even if you suffer inside. I talk from my experience, not from my dreams!

now....THAT'S a practical advice....but to follow that...as you have said....very difficult!!!!

Dude All That I Can Suggest Is That Forget Her...
As Long As She Has A Boyfriend, She Is Not Going To Come Back To You...

i don't know why...but everyone keeps suggesting that i should get over her...why can't i just fight for my love...after all if i don't fight for it...then what else is there?

For me it seems you wanna fight for a lost cause........
Ok, let's say you make her mind to accept you in the final...I don't wanna think how you start feeling and acting in THAT relation. Like a slave????????????????????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????? Suit yourself!

like a slave?? i didn't understand that part!!!

In my oppinion, when you beg for something ((love, attention etc.) from the other person, i call it "slave behaviour". You said you want to fight for your love...HOW MUCH and where are the results? Maybe, because you beg for her to love you, it's like a "slave". Capisci? I also fight for love (lol, how it's sound) but not begging for nothing in a relationship and didn't like someone else to beg, also. She earn only dissrespect from me in that case.

hmmmm...what you have said makes sense....let me think about it....

Psychological fact 1:
Normal human beings don't desire what they can have anytime, anyhow, unconditionally. In your case, if she can have you anytime, why bother? You are not desirable, and also, there's no logical reason to have you: she can have her boyfriend now, which obviously is desirable in her eyes, and she can have you as a backup, in case things go wrong with the main player.

Psychological fact 2:
Antropologically speaking, men are seen as providers (security and food providers for the family), while women as child bearers (not sure about this spelling, but you got the message: persons that give birth to children). Though times are changing, this perception is deeply rooted within ourselves, and is true for the huge majority (and I'm sure it's true in your case). But you buddy, and please don't mind me saying, are a whiner! All you can do is bitch and whine - why would a girl wanna have you? She can listen to all her girlfriends whining and acting girlishly. So you'd better build some character fast, grow a spinal bone and soon you'll get a girl too.

And for all the others - stop playing mother with the guy, or he'll never grow up - and she sure as hell needs to, if he's to ever get a life!
And if my words I harsh, I don't wanna be mean (cause actually, I'm not - but boy, I can't stand whiners!) - but the boy needs a reality check. You're doing him no good petting him.

hmmmm....man...that was harsh....but...no problem in taking advice...in whatever form it comes....no offence taken guys....

You're doing him no good petting him.

Am i included? Hmm... I think you just missed my words / points in that case!
Anyway, good points of view, MAN :)
I was hopeing maalicious also see clearly where he's NOT a MAN in his behaviour (as i wrote)...:)

well...asalceanu...i would like to ask you a question....why is it that you were reminded only of Diana when you read my post? was it just because it was similar to something that happened in your life? i guess not, because as i can make out from your words you have had previous affairs too....then why only Diana? there must have been something in that woman, that brought out a special talent or feeling out of you...a "something" that was hidden inside of you.... she might not have done it on purpose, but still, she did it....and she was able to accomplish that feat....once as my friend told me...the love that we show towards a person....is different...it's unique.....you told that you have found the right match now....but still when you read my post you were reminded of Diana, why? you said still there's some kind of magic of her prevails over you, why? you remember the stuff that happened on easter night, years before, why? is it just memories? can you just go and confess that whenever you spend an evening with some woman on easter night, still you don't remember of Diana? and whenever you meet someone and if they introduce themselves as Diana, doesn't a flash run across your mind, of her? we are all made up of emotions...and the emotional levels that each of us experience may vary....can any man in this world stand up and swear that he has never shed a tear drop for a woman he loved....not even once? i don't think so there will be many....and if you ask in my opinion....i can't go on for the rest of my life fooling myself that i got over her....and saying that she isn't in my mind anymore.....we all have hopes.....sometimes blind hopes that don't get fulfilled...but still....don't we go on dreaming that it might become possible someday? because it is this blind hope that keeps the human as HUMAN...i can never deny the truth that i still love her madly....but i just stay
away from her....just because mozart died...his compositions doesn't vanish in the thin air.....he was here...and he gave his genius to this world...and why do we still talk about him? because of the IMPACT that he has left behind....the world needs "someone" to fill up the vacuum that he has left behind....it's just a hope...but that will never happen...there will not be another mozart again....but still scientists talk about cloning and other stuff...why? it is also another blind hope that they have...they just want him here...his presence....my love towards is just like that....a hope...that she will be in my life....even if doesn't get fulfilled.....there were a couple of women in my life before her...why didn't i blog about them? i don't even remember their names now....why only her? because there are some things in our life that we consider as precious....and i believe that my precious is this woman...even though i fight with her...don't talk to her...say that i got over her....it all means nothing....even if she goes away from me...i will always love her....that's the final truth....i can't deny it....even if you claim me as spineless or am not a man......i can't compromise or convince my life/love in the name of "moving on".....sorry guys....i just spoke a bit too much...but if you just put yourself in my shoes...and look the way i look....may be you will realise....

....and all the things that i say here...i don't say it to her...i just don't whine to her anymore...am just a lonely man....i keep this section as an open diary....i just scribble here whatever i feel....whatever i did.....

Two monks were washing their bowls in the river when they noticed a scorpion that was drowning. One monk immediately scooped it up and set it upon the bank. In the process he was stung. He went back to washing his bowl and again the scorpion fell in. The monk saved the scorpion and was again stung.

The other monk asked him, "Friend, why do you continue to save the scorpion when you know it's nature is to sting?"

"Because," the monk replied, "to save it is my nature."

it's like that...as i had written before....am psychologically used to being a punching bag for others....a kind of....non reacting fellow....slow....dunce....i just plainly speak out whatever i feel....but if it's wrong i sincerely feel for it later....and i even beg for apologies...whoever it may be....to love everyone is my nature....it's excessive/obsessive towards her....if she can't figure it out...may be it's her nature too....but i will wait for the day for her to realise this...never i will give up on her...

Two monks were washing their bowls in the river when they noticed a scorpion that was drowning. One monk immediately scooped it up and set it upon the bank. In the process he was stung. He went back to washing his bowl and again the scorpion fell in. The monk saved the scorpion and was again stung.

The other monk asked him, "Friend, why do you continue to save the scorpion when you know it's nature is to sting?"

"Because," the monk replied, "to save it is my nature."

it's like that...as i had written before....am psychologically used to being a punching bag for others....a kind of....non reacting fellow....slow....dunce....i just plainly speak out whatever i feel....but if it's wrong i sincerely feel for it later....and i even beg for apologies...whoever it may be....to love everyone is my nature....it's excessive/obsessive towards her....if she can't figure it out...may be it's her nature too....but i will wait for the day for her to realise this...never i will give up on her...

AHA! Now I understand why you are in this way. BUT (unfortunatelly), on this planet you'll find people who does not deserve you pure soul and kindness, am I right? Or left :)
So, be yourself and drop your kindness everywhere BUT not expect people take you in consideration. ONLY they think (with their small minds) that you are a fool (no offence!), 'cause you see life otherwise then them.
I'm wishing you all the BEST NOW, not later (if you know what i mean)!

I hope you did not lose your time to CREATE your soul mate but to discover. But (sorry for repeating myself so many times) SHE MUST UNDERSTAND that some people always tend to expect much and give little in return, without realising love/relationship is reciprocal, never one sided. Give out more than what you expect from your friend/spouse.
Give out love, show concern, adore and compliment, show affection.
By the time all these are done, your partner will surely pay you back in multiple. BUT (hmmm...) she doesn't show/feel those FOR YOU AND YOU CAN'T OBLIGE to do that if she 's not feeling in that way WITH YOU!!!

maalicious, believe me, it wasn't just her - when I was a little younger, I was exactly as you are: a good, nice, shy person on the inside. On the outside I was pretty much a rebel. It is the worst combination ever: because I didn't like "good" girls, and the "bad" girls I liked and were attracted by me, stoped liking me as soon as they realised how I really am on the inside inside - a guy that quickly falls in love as a silly pup and allows you to mop the floor with him. (By "good" girls I mean that kind of family girl, focused on school and future, and by "bad" I mean thoose more interested in their love life and having fun). So, I can tell you 3 more stories like this, all mine. Perhaps Di was the worst case, but still, beyond a certain point it doesn't really matter. Don't kid yourself: you will hurt again, until you will change. This is life: sometimes we win, sometimes we loose. As we grow older we get a nice collection of scars and also, hopefully, a way larger collection of wonderful moments. And luckily, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger - so you will get strong enough some day to just move on. I, for instance, have changed - I'm exactly the opposite: now I'm a good guy on the outside and a strong, cool guy on the inside. Bad girls like me now, but I just don't care anymore. So you see, it's the irony of life: you always get something when you don't want it anymore. Or is it the other way around? Could it be that we get it just BECAUSE we don't want it? Well... that's for you to find out.
As for my words... I didn't mean to hurt you, really. It's just that I always found whining to be a waste of time. Don't whine - Act! Solve the problem! Get a hobby, get a pet - the change comes from the inside. You are who you choose to be. And besides this, do you REALLY think that this is hurt? Pffiu! Crying for some girl! Buddy, I can only imagine (thank God it's only imagining) far worst things, like loosing a child, your wife, your parents, your health, your freedom - be glad that you have time to hurt by love, and that you're not hurting because of cold, hunger, slavery, disease; that you have eyes to see her, strength to talk to her! WTF? Get a grip on yourself - you don't know how lucky you are! How lucky we are to be able to hurt by love.

wow wow wow tooo good asalceanu :)

is it possible for a woman to forget whom she loves and find a new one? just asking to know the mind of a woman...

is it possible for a woman to forget whom she loves and find a new one? just asking to know the mind of a woman...

Long time no see :)

Nope, they did not forgot...Only "relocating" her mind for some other purposes in her life.
To be short and stay at the subject (question), if you felt THAT, it's over:!:
(But, for you - or for me, it seems it's never finish with that girl / woman from your side and you'll consuming over and over again. Take it as an experience, learn something and move along or s**t happens ONLY for YOU!).

yeah mepetrut....long time no see...but i believe that faith moves mountains...and i hope it will happen...am not giving up no matter what...

yeah mepetrut....long time no see...but i believe that faith moves mountains...and i hope it will happen...am not giving up no matter what...

PLEASE, let some time goes by...and AFTER, you'll see clearly (i was hopeing that already took place).
OR, at least, try to live your life in between and good things are gonna happens :)

:cry: if i give up now...it would be betraying myself....denying myself of something...i don't want to do this...i have come so far...why not i try a little bit more?

If you tryHARDER than you'd did it by now, it's a lost cause, IMO, 'cause you already suffocated her! You want revenge by your attitude but you'll become more & more tiny and weak in her eyes!!!

am not disturbing her any more...i don't even text her much...i just wait for the day for her to realise how much she means to me...and that's all i ever wanted....i don't disturb her these days at all...i just...let her go in her own ways...

Dear maalicious, being in love is great,being obsessed is nothing wrong but giving up a friend is worse. If ur not loved as a boyfriend dont forget u were atleast loved as a friend, If u knew she had a boyfriend and she loves him u shud have never told her ur feelings or may be u wud have conveyed them in some friendly manner, atleast u could have retained a good friend coz loving is giving and not expecting....but i'd tell u it's never too late.meet her and tell her that u hav changed feelings for her and be friends with her boyfriend too..........remember she met the other guy first u were just a little late try to imagine urself in his place and him in ur and think how wud u feel if she left u, they might be greatly in love..... but don't worry u will find somone else.........try to chill out and take it easy.its just a phase that will pass by........................Just try to cherish ur frindship, this is what is in your hands.............theres lots of fun in world just open your eyes....see you .....take care

i can't do it nuclear...i have tried at it real hard...but i can't...and moreover it's just not about who came into her life first....if it were why would i even fall helplessly in love with her even when i knew she had another man?if heart was just a hard disc, i would erase it and rewrite it all over again...but atleast one man in this forum tell me...when you really love a woman whom you know she's not going to be yours...will you atleast hope for sometime that she is going to be yours? not atleast one time has that thought crossed your mind? no matter how much she betrayed you, when you were in love with her, didn't you really love her from the bottom of your heart and wait for a miracle to happen? am just waiting for that miracle to happen....bible says faith can move mountains...it will move my girl's heart...that's the undeniable faith that i have...

maalicious, i found myself in such a predicament almost 12 years ago. I found a girl with whom I had a strong connection but an event occured (my fault) which put a large gulf between us. I would have done anything to restore our relationship. Regardless, the symptoms are similar - some days you're filled with the highest of highs and others, you feel as low as you could possibly get. Your mood fluctuations come from tiny things - some words of encouragement from your friends, a sudden feeling that today could be the day, a good/bad conversation with her, etc.

I'm glad to hear that you have faith - but where is your faith placed? The bible says that faith _in God_ can move mountains - not faith in any one man. I can tell you right now that the path you're going down is a very long and painful one.

Ultimately, I came to realize that to love is to truly let go. There are a few good reasons behind this - first, constant mental torture is going to grind you down. Even if she were to reciprocate, the mental torture you suffered may make it impossible to make the relationship work. Second, it opens your heart to other possibilities.

Today, I've been married for 9 happy years - to a different but equally beatiful girl (both inside and outside). If you were to ask me if I still loved the other girl (yes, I'm still in contact with her), I would honest respond yes but the context has changed.

I hope that helps and I wish you all the best.

you have said it in the most subtle way blowup....but as you have said...it is a long path that am winding down....but i made a choice...i still don't think i can give up on this girl...and live lying to myself that she's my best friend....i can't do that...and i don't know why....but whatever happens between us...i keep falling in love with her all over again...

i can feel for you maalicious.. it's really frustrating to be in a situation that you are in now..however, it would be difficult for you to make the girl love you back, if she had told you that she loves you only as a friend and i can see that she loves her bf...you can't force her to love you..only time and destiny may answer that. I may sound too negative for your situation, but that's reality. for now, you have two choices: either you show her how much you love her despite the fact that she can't love you back and face the consequences that you may have to face or try to forget your feelings about her...




Hey all, I am not a regular poster here. But just saw this topic where I can share my problems with...You might have come across the same situation with your friends too or may be in your own life...but for me, it has happened for the first time and Iam on the verge of an emotional breakdown.

I am in love with a woman. She is my colleague. We both started to have a normal friendship relationship during the months of april-may '06. I was never much interested in her as I had suffered a heart break when I met her (due to a puppy love). Then we had it going as a steady friendship. We used to talk over the phone for hours, hang out together...etc. But she had a boy friend and she kept reminding me this all the time. But despite this I fell in love with her. I don't understand the reasons, but still I fell in love with her. I confessed it to her. She said she loves me as a friend, and nothing more. Her boyfriend, meanwhile, is working in the iddle East. He has now returned for Christmas holidays. Things began to get worse once she said he was returning to home for a vacation. I am really obsessed with her now to give her up. Her interest towards me is fluctuating and I can't read her mind. I have gone up to the extent of thinking about suicide. He is here today. I might sound a loser, but she is my first real love. Can any one suggest me of ANY way at all to win her heart? Is it possible? Please do suggest and if you want to ask more questions, please do ask.

yes neo...am trying to forget her...but the most difficult part is...how can i forget a person whom i see everyday in my office? but still nothing is impossible...and am still trying to forget her and move on...

...but the most difficult part is...how can i forget a person whom i see everyday in my office? but still nothing is impossible...and am still trying to forget her and move on...

Finally, you are conscious that forgot it's not impossible...BUT TRY HARDER !
Be happy with all the ppl and her in the same way and tell them how strong / cool / good / funny you were last night (no need to over-reacting, though, or worse, lie).
Be HAPPY, not sad or "thinking" person :)
Oh, sorry...Hello ! How are you TODAY? (response MUST BE "COOL" all the time IN YOUR MIND ! ! !

i know you're having a hard time moving on since you see her everyday.. the best thing that you can do right now is to mingle with another group at the office..try to have as minimal interaction with her...i'll pray for your heart to move on...





yes neo...am trying to forget her...but the most difficult part is...how can i forget a person whom i see everyday in my office? but still nothing is impossible...and am still trying to forget her and move on...

thank you people....