See title.

HEre we go with my collection...


POST URS TOO!

Tell me
is it going in?
yeah
is it hurting?
ooh yeah
ouch its hurtin
ok i wil put it in slowly
stil hurtin
ahh yeh
den lets try d other shoe madam....!

Touch it gently,
put your
finger inside,
if hole is big,
put three fingers,
rub it
up & down gently
thats the right way
of washing glass!!!
naughty you;)

:) :) :) :) :) : )

In which part does men & women have curly hair?

"SOUTH AFRICA" :D

What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives warm satisfaction.


A tea bag.... you naughty fellows

:) :) :) :)

You
Galileo: Great mind.

Einstein: Genius mind.

Newton: Extraordinary mind.

Bill Gates: Brilliant mind.

You: Never mind.

Skin meets Skin
When is that
the skin meets skin,
hair meets hair
n balls disappear..


dirty mind
its when
u BLINK UR EYES

WOT AM I?
Im bout
6inches long.
Wen used
im inserted in2
a warm moist hole
& thrust in
& out repeatedly
until i leave behind
a sticky
white substance!
WOT AM I?
A toothbrush!

KEEP POSTING :D

P.S : NO OFFENCE WITH THE JOKES!!!
ITS JUST FOR FUN! :) :) :)

A Man kills a Deer, brings it home and cooks it for dinner but does not tell the Children what it is. He told them He would give them a clue. "Its what Mum calls Dad sometimes" Little Girl cries out, "DONT EAT IT, ITS A FCUKING ARSEHOLE!!!"

What is it if a man talks nasty to a woman? Sexual harassment.
What is it if a woman talks nasty to a man?
$3.99 a minute...

INSIDE THE MALE'S RESTROOM:
***: (SAW GUY'S C*CK BESIDE HIM)WOW!!! HOW BIG LONG LONG IS THAT??!!
GUY: (DEPRESSED) YEAH I KNOW...BUT IT'S OF NO USE ANYMORE.
***: (SURPRISED) AND Y IS THAT?
GUY: (HOLDING IT) ME AND MY WIFE JUST GOT A DIVORCE. SHE JUST DONT KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE HER.
***: OH, THAT'S SAD....
GUY: AND JUST TO PROVE MY LOVE FOR HER, I'LL CUT THIS ONE OUT AND FEED IT TO THE DOGS....
***: (KNELT DOWN) ARF! ARF! ARF!

When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her...!
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Jack & Jill went up the hill 2fetch a pale of water.we dont no what they did up there but they came back with a daughter


:) : : :) :) :) :) :) :D

Do you know why men are better cooks that women?

Men prepare mayonnaise in 5minutes where as women take 28days o prepare ketchup! :D

POST POST PEOPLE!!!

U Dirty Mind
A Short thing
It gets Longer
when U hold it
N pass between
women Breasts
N enters into
A hole
What is it?
1 min 2 think!
Car Seat Belt
U dirty mind.

American Research on how manywomen wanted to sleep with Bill Clinton!
Yes 1%
No 2%
And
97% Not Again

A couple is lying in the bed. The man says, "I am going to make you th happiest woman in the world."
The woman says, "I'll miss you...." :D

Mint with a Hole
It
was a
romantic
nite
he
took
me to
bed
opened
all
my
cover's
inserted
his tongue
into my
Hole
i was
melting
in his
mouth
THANK GOD
I am polo mint...
with a hole

HUMANS
fall in love, thats
normal


COWS
eat grass, thats
ok.


But when
MONKEYS
can press MOBILE keys...


INCREDIBLE!!!



still pressing?


UNBELIEVABLE!

Thief & Lady
Thief : quickly hand over your purse I have a gun
Lady : here take it
Thief : ha! ha! no bullets in my gun.
Lady : ha! ha! no money in my purse

How do u teach
a blonde maths?

U subtract
her chlothes
Devide her legs
And square root her.

Dick got a coded message from Paul.
It read: 370HSSV-0773H
Dick was stumped.
He called the CIA
& they cracked the code
By reading it
Upside Down:)


:) :) :) :) :) : ) LOL!

Women are the best motors!
Accept any size piston,are self-lubricating,start up with a finger, self-changes oil every 28days & a full tank lasts 9 months!!!


:) :)

TOday, tomorrow and forever there will always be one heart beatibg for you. You know whose......?



YOUR OWN F*CKING ID*OT!!!

Worried mother gives her daughter a pack of condoms before a hot date. Girl laughs and hugs her mother - "Times have changed, mum. I am going out with Jane!!"

:D

What do michael jackson and father christmas have in common?


They both sneak into childrens bedrooms and come out with empty sacks

"Mummy,where do babies come from?"
"Dad makes sperm & puts it inside me"
"Do you swallow it?"
"No,thats wen u want a new dress"

At this moment, 20% of the population is now drinking coffee, 60% is having sex, 19% are partying and one pathetic l0ser is now reading this message.......

Name the 5 Great Kings that have brought happiness in peoples lives!
1, drinKING
2, licKING
3, sucKING
4, ****ING
5, wanKING

He met a lady while browsing. She unzipped his dotcom when downloading. Since he was virus free he slotted his floppydisk into her hotmail she screamed yahoo!

NoA.so: shaG, put ur windows to 16bit!
NoA.shaGuar: 16bit on Windows is ugly!!!
NoA.so: oh, then ur face must be 8-bit...


:D :D :D :D

Q) What is the similarity between a dolphin and a woman?
A) They are both said to be intelligent but no one can prove this.

In case of fire read this message.....................................I SAID IN CASE OF FIRE YOU FCUKING IDIOT!!

A train is bout 2 crash!A frantic virgin strips off & says "can any1 make me feel like a woman b4 i die?" So a man takes off his clothes & says "iron these!"

From the moment I saw u, I wanted to be inside u, I love ur smell, the way ur tongue feels, the way u tighten and loosen mmmmmmmmmmmmm…………. NEW SHOES!!!!!!!!!!

come here.take off ur pants and get on top of me....enjoy me until ur totally satisfied lovingly urs TOILET!!!!

teacher: tell me 3 things wasteful in man's body
student: 20nails that cannot be hammered
2 balls cannot be thrown
1 cock that cannot crow

a gal laughed

student shouted back " dont laugh ..can ur pussy even catch a mouse"

teacher: tell me 3 things wasteful in man's body
student: 20nails that cannot be hammered
2 balls cannot be thrown
1 cock that cannot crow

a gal laughed

student shouted back " dont laugh ..can ur pussy even catch a mouse"

GO GO GO PEOPLE!!


POST URFUNNY SMS HERE!!! SHARE!

Big bad wolf told little red riding hood
' lift your top so i can suck your tits'
"No!"she said lifting her skirt",
'eat me like the f*cking book sez!'

A Blonde is in a bar and her cellular phone rings. She picks it up (Her Hubby is on the other end) and says "
Hello, how did you know I was here?" .......

A Blonde is in a bar and her cellular phone rings. She picks it up (Her Hubby is on the other end) and says "
Hello, how did you know I was here?" .......

gogo post!

3 good manners of male penis.
1)Courteous-it stands before performing.
2)Emotional-it cries during the performance.
3)Polite-it bows down after the performance.

Q. How do u call a blonde with half a brain?
A. GIFTED!

:)

just a question ok... why do people make fun of blondes??? are they that dumb for real?? heheh i don't have any idea since im a filipino...

GO GO PEOPLE!!! SHARE THE FUN!

:D

Yes dzhun! BLondes are said to know nothing other than sucking :)

I know a fun thing: You're crazy :roll:
Why don't you resumed all this crap in only one postand stop with this spam??
Are you searching to be banned?
Well, i think so 8)

Rose are red, Violets are blue. Monkeys like you should be in the ZOO...

Rose are red, Violets are blue. Monkeys like you should be in the ZOO...

reporter asked Laloo "What is the main reason for a divorce ?"
"Marriage"

My girlfriend told me, I should be more Affectionate, so i got two Girlfriends.

Im at the Police Station. Police caught me & filed a case against me. "POSSESSION OF GOOD LOOKS" I'm doomed! NEED SOMEONE UGLY 2 BAIL ME OUT; So HURRY UP!

We do have to go to college ... Have to is force ... Forcing is slavery .... Slavery is forbidden ... SO ... we do not have to go to college

Light is faster than sound. That is why people look intelligent, until you hear them speak

In the morning I do not eat because I think of you, at noon I do not eat because I think of you, in the evening I do not eat because I think of you, at night I do not sleep because I am hungry

Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese.

LOVE IS BAND,
DON'T MAKE IS HUSBAND,
B'COZ HUSBAND IS A BAND,
HE MAKES YOU DANCE

Attention! Due to the year of the Horse, all Turf Club horses are on leave. Donkeys will run instead. So stop reading the SMS and report for duty immediately

Attention! Due to the year of the Horse, all Turf Club horses are on leave. Donkeys will run instead. So stop reading the SMS and report for duty immediately

A couple had a fight one night. On way to bed miffed husband mutters: Good night! Mother of 3 kids. Wife: Good night, father of one!

what is the similarity between a wife & a chewing-gum? both are sweet in the beginning but becomes tasteless & shapeless later

mother to doctor: hello sir my baby has swallowed a pen what shall i do? doc. dont worry write with pencil till i get there

WHEN THINGS GO WRONG;WHEN SADNESS FILL UR HEART;WHEN TEARS FLOW IN UR EYES-JUST LET ME KNOW COZ I WANT 2 B THERE 4 U.IM SELLING TISSUES.BUY 3 GET 1 FREE!!!

A Baby monkey asked his mother: Why are we ugly? Mother said: Thank god, atleast we look like this, u should see the person reading this message!!

Some One IS..
MiSSING You..
NeeDING You..
WorryING About You
LoneLy Without U
Guess Who?
THE M0NKEY IN THE Z00.....

I'd luv 2 take u 4 a romantic dinner, sit by the candlelight, shower u with those three magical words... "PAY THE BILL"!

One: Does your wife miss you? Other: No, her throws are remarkably perfect.

1 day
YOU'll B surprised
2 C ME
beside U.
U & ME
laughing,
U & ME
crying,
U & ME
dreaming,
U & ME
holding on,
U & ME...
just U & ME sitting in a MENTAL HOSPITAL

Angry husband: If u'd learn to cook & clean, we could fire the maid. Wife shot back: Well, if u'd learn how to love, we could fire Gardener

A lady inserted an ad in the classified: HUSBAND WANTED. Next day she received a hundred letters saying: YOU CAN HAVE MINE

If u hide i'll seek 4u, if u r lost i'll search 4u, if u leave i'll wait 4u, if days take u away from me i'll fight 4u, BUT if u stop talking i'll KILL u

Boy frm nursry class: teacher can a girl my age have babies? teacher(shocked): NEVER. Boy to the girl sitting next to him: c,i told u not to worry

A Sardar told his friend tell Me a joke in which i Am not involved. His friend replied your wife is pregnant

I chased love i found friendship,i chased desires i found hopes, i chased reality i found dreams,i chased a monkey and i found you

Once up on a time there was a king when i went and saw there was no king...coz im in 21st century...

They are all nice thank you...........................

post some more!!

HEre's one:


* NEWS ALERT *

Snow White has just been kicked out of Disney because she jumped on Pinnochio's face, lifted her skirt, and shouted "LIE PINNOCHIO! LIE!!"

:) :)

friends are like underwear, always near u.
good friends are like condoms, always proctecting u,
best friends are like viagra, lift u up when u r down

keep it up. this topic is goin hot.......sizziling hot

WHY ISN'T ANYONE ELSE SHARING? :(

A Geezer rings his Boss at work and says:

Geezer: Boss I can´t come to work to day, I´m sick.
Boss: How sick are you?
Geezer: I´m shagging my sister, how sick is that?

:oops: :lol: :D :)

erm? how can i save as "sms"?
that means i want to save all these message into my phone sms via mmc ?
is it save the message in notes first then convert to sms?

A Prostitute was walking under a Banana Tree. Then a Banana shouts, "Hey U, Prostitute". Prostitute gets angry & replied, "Shut up your Mouth, U Substitute.

Girl: Mom, tom asked me to climb the tree. Mom: You fool, he wanted to see your panties. Girl: I know, but i fooled him. I removed my panties before climbing.

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ:<=< The man who made these letters was a genius... but he had done a great mistake by keeping I and U so far...

I hv started loving U...I know it sounds ridiculous, but i really cant control my feelings for U, slowly i will start loving other alphabets too... :-)

Moved to other stuff section from symbian apps.

Kya bindas hava chal rahi hai, birdy gaana ga rahe hain,
Cow log grass eat rahe hain,
shaane log SMS kar rahe hain
aur dhakkan log SMS padh rahe hain

Be friendly with your kids, they choose your home when you are old!

Birdy birdy in the sky, left a poopie in my eye. Me don't care, me don't cry, me just happy that a cow can't fly!!

Excessive use of alcohol can lead to a pregnancy.

God created the universe, the earth, nature, the eggs, man and saw that it was good and beautiful. God also created woman and thought : ‘I hope she will make herself up’!

Flowers need sunshine, violets need dew, all angels in heaven know I need u. years may fly, tears may dry, but my friendship with u will never die.

If kisses were water, I will give u sea. If hugs were leaves, I will give u a tree.If u luv a planet, I will give u a galaxy, if friendship is life I will give u mine.

People live People die People Laugh People Cry Some give up Some will try Some say hi Some say bye Others may forget YOU but never will I.

How would you like your egg for breakfast.... hard-boiled or impregnated?

Always draw a circle around the ones you love, never draw a heart because hearts can be broken, but circles are never ending.

I like to compare you with a nice cold glass of beer, beautiful colour, perfect taste, really perfect and when the glass is empty i just take the next one!

This cat, is cat, a cat, good cat, way cat, to cat, keep cat, a cat, idiot cat, busy cat, for cat, 20 cat, seconds cat! Now read it all without the word cat!

Can I go to the theatre? Asks a mosquito ot her mother. "yes but be aware, pay attention during the applause."

What does it say on the wrapping of the Morning-after pil??? ......first some screwing before use

Do you think I can live for another fourty years? ... Do you drink? ... No! ... Do you smoke? ... No! ... Do you visit the whores? ... No! ....... Why do you want to live another fourty years?

Farmer seeks woman with tractor. Please add photo of tractor.

Bigamy..............What is the penalty for bigamy? ............... Two mothers-in-law !

You wanna come to my place for some pizza and sex? No? Why, don't you like pizza?!

There are three girls in the sixth grade ... A blond a brown and a red. Who has the biggest boops ? ............ The blond because she already reached the age of 20!!!

Innkeeper: The room is $15. a night. It's $5. if you make your own bed.
Guest: I'll make my own bed.
Innkeeper: Good. I'll get you some nails and wood.

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen

It is well known...
Man stands up to get knocked down, woman lays down to get knocked up.

Boy: Do you like parties?
Girl: Yes, why?
Boy: Well then jump in my pants and have a ball!

Two drunks were walking home along the railway tracks.
The first drunk says, "There's a hell of a lot of steps here."
The second drunk says, "I'll tell you what's worse, this hand rail is bloody low down"

T-shirt Slogans :-

I Haven't Lost My Mind. It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere

When money talks, no one criticizes its accent

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

Does it scare you that you are looking for wisdom from a T-shirt?

Good joke"S a light read and i am laughing heartly.... :smile: and SMS so funny can led you to Jail :smile:

:shock:

really funny sms but i think this is better off on off topics. moved from other stuff.br

Lots of people stop working once they found a job!

The IDEAL man does not smoke, does not drink, does not flirt, goes to bed early, in short ... does not exist

Boys say it's great, boys say it's fine. 9 months later they say it's not mine !

Computers are machines to help you solve problems you wouldn't have if you didn't have a computer.

Keep the school clean ... stay home!

What do I miss about my wife? Her absence.

Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then
bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

A voter to politician seeking vote: I would rather vote for the devil than vote for you.

Politician: Since your candidate (devil) is not contesting this time, will you not consider my case sympathetically?

Defination of a Wedding Ring:
The smallest handcuff in the world.

Q. What is the difference between a battery and a woman?

A. A battery has a positive side.

A woman standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says 2 her husband "I look horrible, fat and ugly...can u please pay me a compliment?" The husband replies," Well ur eyesight's spot on...."

Hoax warnings don't usually scare me, but this one is important.
Please send this to everyone on your email list.

If someone comes to your front door and says they are conducting a
survey and asks you to show them your ****, DO NOT show them your ****.
This is a scam; they just want to see your ****.

A recent survey was conducted to discover why men get out of bed in the
middle of the night:
5% said it was to get a glass of water
12% said it was to go to the toilet
83% said it was to go home

One night a drunken driver was pulled over by a female cop and was told that he was under arrest and anything he said would be held against him in court, to which he replied: TITS!

Thought for the day:

Never hold your farts in.

They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that's where sh1tty ideas come from.

Some say the glass is half empty, Some say the glass is half full, I say "are you gonna drink that?"

George: Look, I just found a lost baseball.
Louis: How do you know it's lost?
George: Because the kids down the street are still looking for it!

Why is it that when you transport something by car it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine power is defeated by feminine power.

Criminal: A guy no different from the rest of us .... except that he got caught.

Its strange no contributions, looks like people have stopped sending SMS to one another....

well do u hav some sexy & double meaning sms ????

have u got some punjabi tarks sms ?????