Dinner with the Girlfriend's Parents

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have
dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the
girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would
like to go out and make love for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so
he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The
pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy
everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms
he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy
insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather
busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and
meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to
meet my parents, come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the
girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace
and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his
head down.

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend
leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you
were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was
a pharmacist."

------------------------------
Do you get it ?
;)

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engager, this is so funny! Where did you get this?

Leave it to Engager to make unique posts :p

HEY engager,

I think we come here to post some usefull information about mobile & their problems. U better post this in a jokes website !!!

HEY engager,

I think we come here to post some usefull information about mobile & their problems. U better post this in a jokes website !!!
Lol this is fuuny bro...Hehehhe :D....owned :p
@ezzy55 this kind of topic is okay bcoz u can discuss anything in off topic section..

Br

great one ngager. i knew this one, but still had to read it once again.

I guess we could do with an official jokes thread then ... ?

hahahahha, funny stuff...nice one, engager!

Out of the Mouth of Babes

Well, here's another funny script for you to peruse!

Tell us which child's comments you laughed at! :p

Enjoy!;)

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: "Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?"

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six."

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom goodnight. "I love you so much, that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a painkiller. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a childproof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough."

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what will happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?"

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked: "What happened to the flea?" (you might have to think about this one)

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for awhile and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?

lol, that one with James is simillar with "Men Behaving Badly ", when Gary as a kid thought that captain log in Star Treck was a tree log. :D

Jack and Steven. :p Those make me laugh. ;)

Here's another amusing script entitled:

PAINTING BLONDE

Enjoy!;)

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies yes.

He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said....

FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.

:D

haha
she had shown that all blonde women are really2 dumb actually~~!!
can u send it more....

Here's another laugh!:)

Enjoy!

Mouse Balls

Abstract: Mouse Balls Available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit).

Mouse balls are now availabe as FRU. Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel. Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by exmining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced using the twist-off method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction, and that any customer missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these necessary items.

To re-order, specify on of the following:
P/N 33F8462 - Domestic Mouse Balls
P/N 33F8461 - Foreign Mouse Balls

:mrgreen:

Hahahahahaha

Excellent :)

haha

perfect~~!!

Never Had SEX!

This'll make you laugh!

Enjoy!;)

Three ladies decide they are going commit suicide by jumping of the Empire State Building. The first one jumps because she has no money and can no longer live a life of poverty and hardship, and it takes the police 1 day to clean her off the sidewalk.

The second one jumps because all of her family members have died and she can't bear to live alone, and it takes the police 2 days to clean her of the sidewalk.

The third one jumps because she's never had sex, no matter how hard she tries no man wants to sleep with her, so she jumps. On the way down she hits a light post and it takes the police 3 weeks to wipe the smile off her face.:D

lol ! well that was a welcome change of topic :P


we not have a jokes thread!? ... lets make this a sticky et voila :D

lovin the pharmacist joke hehe





VenSky :D

Yes, a 'STICKY' would be a great idea for this thread!

Anyway, here's a couple of jokes to cheer you up!:) Enjoy!

------------------------------------------

JOKE 1

Several men are in the locker room of a tennis club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, ....go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$60,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing....the house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"

MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment. Then he asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"


JOKE 2

A couple walks in to the jewlery store and the boyfriend says " I need an extremely special ring for this special woman".

The clerk replies "I have this gold ring with diamonds for 1,000."

The man says "No thanks I need a really nice special ring".

The clerk says "Here's the best I got, 4,000 dollars".

The girlfriend says "I love it" so the boyfriend says "We will take it, heres a check i will come in on monday to pick it up and make sure it cleared".

The next monday the clerk being very furious says to the boyfriend "Your check bounced!"

The boyfriend replied "Ya but can you imagine the night i had with her"

-------------------------------------------

Which one did you like?:-D

Age Test

This was developed as an age test by an R&D department at Harvard University.

Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without mistake. The
average person over 40 years of age can't do it!

1. This is this cat
2. This is is cat
3. This is how cat
4. This is to cat
5. This is keep cat
6. This is an cat
7. This is old cat
8. This is fart cat
9. This is busy cat
10. This is for cat
11. This is forty cat
12. This is seconds cat

Now go back and read aloud the third word in each line from the top down.;)

------------------------------

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Skylight Sunbathing

Enjoy this one!;)


Topless Sunbather

A woman was staying at a hotel and she decided to go sunbathing on the hotel roof. When she laid down to sun her back, her bikini top fell off. She didn't care so much, though, because nobody ever came up to the roof anyway. Which is why she was surprised when she heard footsteps. It was the maitre'd from the restaurant.
"Ma'am," he said, "we were all wondering if you could put your top back on."

"Why? I'm not disturbing anybody."

"Ma'am. You're on the skylight."

hoho..nice joke~~!!

Top fun....!! i was just sleepy as because its 3:00 o clock am in pakistan but after reading this post i am refresh ...!!
good post engager specifically the first one dinner with girlfriends parent

Here's yet another to amuse you all...Enjoy!:)

Use Contagious in a Sentence

So this teacher is teaching her grade four class, and she's telling them that the word of the day is 'contagious.'

She asks if anyone can use this word in a sentence, and several people stick up their hands. "Carl," she says. Carl says, "My dad told me to stay away from kids with mumps, 'cause they're contagious." "Very good," says the teacher.

Then she picks Suzie, who says, "The atmosphere was contagious," and the teacher says, "Excellent, Suzie!"

Then she notices that little Johnny has his hand up, at the back of the class. "Yes, Johnny?" she says.

Johnny says, "The other day, me and my dad's a-sittin around, and we saw our blonde neighbor painting her fence. She had a tiny little model car paintbrush, and she was going in tiny little strokes up and down the fence, and my dad says to me, "o my god, it's gonna take that **** AGES to finish that fence."

;)

erm...nice one...

Here's a funny one entitled: Grass

Enjoy!

----------------------------
A man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

"Why are you eating grass?" he asked the man.

"I don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.

"Oh, please come to my house!"

"But sir, I have a wife and four children..."

"Bring them along!" the rich man said.

They all climbed into the limo. Once underway, the poor fellow said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in."

The rich man replied, "No, you don't understand. The grass at my house is over three feet tall!"

;)

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SEX, AGE & ICE-CREAM

Enjoy!:D

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went

straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along,"Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along!"

:mrgreen:

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Here's a good laugh entitled:

The Pope and the Chinese....enjoy!

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the
Chinese had to leave Italy. Naturally there was a big
uproar from the Chinese community.

So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate
with a member of the Chinese community.

If the Chinese win, they could stay. If the Pope wins, the
Chinese would leave.

The Chinese realized that they had no other choice. So
they picked a middle-aged man named Ah Peh to represent
them. Ah Peh asked for one condition to be added to the
debate. "To make it more interesting", he said, "Neither
side would be allowed to talk". The Pope agreed.

The day of the great debate came. Ah Peh and the Pope sat
opposite each other for a full minute.

Then the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Ah
Peh looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope
waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Ah Peh
pointed to the ground at where he sat.

The Pope pulled out a loaf and a glass of wine. Ah Peh
pull out an apple.
The Pope stood up and said: "I give up. This man is too
good. The Chinese can stay."

An hour later, the cardinals were all around The Pope
asking him what had happened.

The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent
the holy trinity.

He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that
there was still one God common to both our religions."

"Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was
all around us."
He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that
God was also right here with us."

"I pulled out the wine and loaf to show that God absolves
all sin. He showed me an apple to remind us of the
original sin. He had an answer for everything.

What could I do?"

Meanwhile, the Chinese community had crowded around Ah
Peh.

"What happened?" they asked.
Well," said Ah Peh, "First he indicated to me that all
Chinese had 3 days to get out of here. I replied to him
f*#k off and not one of us is leaving."

"Then he pointed that this whole city would be cleared of
Chinese. I showed him that we are staying right here."

"Yes, and then???" asked the crowd.

"I don't know", said Ah Peh, "He took out his lunch, and

I took out mine!!!"

:p

Nice joke mate :p keep them coming...the topic now become sticky :).br

Thx, Yudo, appreciated!:D

Here's another entitled:

S.H.I.T (really exists in the USA!)...enjoy!:D

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from students, it will be our policy to keep all students well taught through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give our students more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.
If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the course, please see your lecturer. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our lecturers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Students who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EDUCATIONAL EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EDUCATIONAL ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.). Since our lecturers took S.H.I.T. before they graduated, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job teaching others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.).

For students who are intending to pursue a career in management and consultancy, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.). This course emphasizes on how to manage M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.

If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TEACHING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).

Thank you,

BOSS IN GENERAL
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING
(B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)

:mrgreen:

Here's yet another good laugh entitled: You can’t kill two birds with one stone Enjoy:D
-------------------------

There once was an Indian whose given name was “One Stone”, so named because he had only one testicle.

He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him One Stone!
After years and years of torment, One Stone finally cracked and said, “If anyone calls me One Stone again I will kill them!” The word got around and nobody called him that any more. Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, “Good morning, One Stone…”

He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion. The word got around that One Stone meant what he promised he would do.

Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away for many years. Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird’s cousin, was overjoyed when she saw One Stone. She hugged him and said, “Good to see you, One Stone…”
One Stone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night but, Yellow Bird wouldn’t die!

What is the moral of this story?

You can’t kill two birds with one stone.

:-D


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Nice joke buddy keep coming them...the topic now become sticky.

ive heard this joke before. still funny

the one with the kids, with james was funny as hell

Well, I'm back from my long UK holiday, so here's one entitled: Seven Dwarfs, to make you laugh!

Enjoy!:D

---------

The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are THE SEVEN DWARFS,
they are ushered in to see the Pope. Grumpy leads the pack. "Grumpy, my son," says the Pope, "what can I do for you?"
Grumpy asks, "Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in
Rome?"
The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and
answers, "No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."
In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling. Grumpy turns around
and gives them a glare, silencing them.
Grumpy turns back, "Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?
The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, "No,
Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe"
This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter. Once again, Grumpy
turns around and silences them with an angry glare.
Grumpy turns back and says, "Mr. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in
the world?"
The Pope, really confused by the questions says, "I'm sorry, my son, there
are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."
The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the
floor, tears rolling down their cheeks, as they begin chanting......

"Grumpy screwed a penguin! Grumpy screwed a penguin!"

you have great jokes! where do you get it?

Here's another funny one entitled: BLONDE

Enjoy! :)

A blonde buys a handgun at a local pawn shop because she thinks her husband is
cheating on her. When she gets home, she finds her husband in bed with a woman.
The Blonde grabs the gun out of her purse, loads it and points it at her own
head.

Her husband seeing this starts screaming at her not to
Shoot.

The blonde replies "Shut up stupid! You're next!"

Don't give a Blonde a gun.

--------------------------

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Here's another entitled: Goodbye

Enjoy!
------------------------------------------

Goodbye

Father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying:

"God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."

The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"

The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing

to do." ?

The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange

coincidence. ?

A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her

prayers which went like this: ?

"God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma."

The next day the grandmother died. Oh my gosh, thought the father, this kid

is in contact with the other side. ?

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say:

"God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."?

He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at

the crack! of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day,

had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by

until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of

going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking

at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived, he

breathed a sigh of relief and went home. ?

When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's

the matter?"

He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of

my life."

She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me?

This morning the milkman dropped dead on our porch."

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Here's another funny joke entitled: 50 Seconds Enjoy!:p

50 Seconds to live!

Women goes to doctor and says: "Doc, I only got 50 seconds to live.."
The doctor answers: "Wait minute please..."

:weedman:

Here's another entitled: Little Sister
Enjoy!:drinkers:


Little Sister

I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for
over a year, and so we decided to get married. My
parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged
me, and my girlfriend was a dream!!

There was only one thing bothering me, very much
indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My
prospective sister-in-law was twenty years old, wore
tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would
regularly bend down when near me and I got many
pleasant views of her underwear. It had to be
deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone
else.

One day little sister called and asked me to come over
to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when
I arrived and whispered to me that soon I was to be
married, and she had feelings and deisres for me that
she could not overcome and did not want to overcome.
She told me that she wanted to make love to me just
once before I got married and committed my life to her
sister. I was in total shock and couldn`t say a word.


She said, "I`m going upstairs to my bedroom and if you
want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I
was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her
go up the stairs. When she reached the top, she
pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs
at me. I stood there for a moment then turned and
went straight to the front door. I opened the door
and stepped out of the house - walking straight to my
car.

My future father-in-law was standing outside. With
tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very
happy that you have passed our little test. We
couldn`t ask for a better man for our daughter.
Welcome to the family."

So, the moral of the story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car!!!:finga:

> BREAKING NEWS FROM CNN:


In an attempt to thwart the spread of bird flu, George W. Bush has
bombed the Canary Islands.



If it's been posted before then sorry - I haven' read the whole thread yet!!

And another....

Last wishes.

An old guy who lived on a remote island died and his dying wish was to be cremated as he didnt want to be buried in a soggy wet peat bog. The funeral party made their way by ferry to the nearest crematorium which was on the mainland. The deed was duly done and the party retreated to the nearest pub to celebrate the life of the dearly departed. Time as usual flew by and off they went to catch the ferry home almost forgeting to take the urn with them. An absoutley horendous ferry crossing with the boat rolling from side to side and the bow of the ferry crashing into the waves. Water pouring across the decks. Mean while down in the bar the urn with the ashes slid from sise to side as the ferry rolled about. The funeral party were becoming increasing alarmed at this and asked the departeds partner what she intended to do with the ashes.
Suddenly she picked up the urn and raced up on deck lifting the lid off and throwing the contents into the howling gale. Wind screaming about her she shouted; There's the Blow Job you always wanted.

Last one - promise.....

A real groaner...

An inflatable boy takes a pin to his inflatable school, then after being sent home early, his mothers telling him, NOT ONLY DID YOU LET ME DOWN, YOU LET THE WHOLE SCHOOL DOWN!

A dedicated thread to just a joke and that too very common sounds crazy.. instead Engager you should have made a seperate jokes thread to post more then one maybe?? or shud have contributed in some already existing joke threads.. ur a senior member i guess ,,so u must not encourage such illogical approach .... Keep posting the best but make sure the place is bestfit for the content too..
:!: :!: :!: :!:

A dedicated thread to just a joke and that too very common sounds crazy.. instead Engager you should have made a seperate jokes thread to post more then one maybe?? or shud have contributed in some already existing joke threads.. ur a senior member i guess ,,so u must not encourage such illogical approach .... Keep posting the best but make sure the place is bestfit for the content too..
:!: :!: :!: :!:

Dude, what's your problem? Are you the iphone critic? I was the first to start a JOKES thread in this section, and it had a sticky, too!

Why don't you practice what you preach, and put yours in here instead of opening another thread! Also, you have to be broadminded, and have a good sense of humour to appreciate most of what is said....don't take it so seriously!

Br.:evil:

hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, hihihihihhihihihihhihihihihih, hohohohohohohohohohohoh!!!!!!! man!!!! this is so funny!!!! thanks bro, ill tell this to my friends hehehe.

Dude, what's your problem? Are you the iphone critic? I was the first to start a JOKES thread in this section, and it had a sticky, too!

Why don't you practice what you preach, and put yours in here instead of opening another thread! Also, you have to be broadminded, and have a good sense of humour to appreciate most of what is said....don't take it so seriously!

Br.:evil:
Hey Buddy,
I didn mean to hurt you Pal guess u did't noticed the last line i wrote,,
Engager You r a senior poster here and noticing your thank tab it is evident enough that you are a real good poster ... so my dear driend I'm no citic raiser no preacher, but just a good friend expecting some good friends and great contribution to the forum,
my humble apologies friend if u felt bad,its just that i felt something a bit wrong and pointed the same out

.<< life is too short to spread love ,so theres no place for the word hate.>>
:goodman: /////we've got lots to share n achive \\\\ :goodman:

:partyman: ::::::Appretiations for the good .. Love n peace:::::: :partyman:
No Hard feeling M8 ,Friends Forever

haha great!!!

lol !!!!!!

Here's another entitled: HELL!

Enjoy!:lol:

HELL:snakeman:

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term paper. The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the Professor shared it with his colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed), or some
other variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time.
So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and The rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.

Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of Souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell, because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities.
If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman Year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then the second alternative must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has, most likely, already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that if Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct - leaving only Heaven. Thereby proving the existence of a Divine Being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A."

A management consultant, on holiday in a African fishing village, watched a little fishing boat dock at the quayside. Noting the quality of the fish, the consultant asked the fisherman how long it had taken to catch them.

"Not very long." answered the fisherman.

"Then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the consultant.

The fisherman explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.

The consultant asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, have an afternoon's rest under a coconut tree. In the evenings, I go into the community hall to see my friends, have a few beers, play the drums, and sing a few songs..... I have a full and happy life." replied the fisherman.

The consultant ventured, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you...... You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat. With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have a large fleet. Instead of selling your fish to a middleman, you can negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to a city here or maybe even in the United Kingdom, from where you can direct your huge enterprise."

"How long would that take?" asked the fisherman.

"Oh, ten, maybe twenty years." replied the consultant.

"And after that?" asked the fisherman.

"After that? That's when it gets really interesting," answered the consultant, laughing, "When your business gets really big, you can start selling shares in your company and make millions!"

"Millions? Really? And after that?" pressed the fisherman.

"After that you'll be able to retire, move out to a small village by the sea, sleep in late every day, spend time with your family, go fishing, take afternoon naps under a coconut tree, and spend relaxing evenings havings drinks with friends..."

Top 9 Signs Your Cat Has Learned Your Internet Password


9. E-mail flames from some guy named \"Fluffy.\"

8. Traces of kitty litter in your keyboard.

7. You find you've been subscribed to strange newsgroups like alt.recreational.catnip.

6. Your mouse has teeth marks in it... and a strange aroma of tuna.

5. Hate-mail messages to Apple Computers, Inc. about thier release of \"CyberDog.\"

4. Your new ergonomic keyboard has a strange territorial scent to it.

3. You keep finding new software around your house like CatinTax and WarCat II.

2. On IRC you're known as the IronMouser.

and the #1 Sign Your Cat Has Learned Your Internet Password...

1. Little kitty carpal-tunnel braces near the scratching post.
:p

This ones entitled:
A blind man in a store
A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, \"What are you doing?!!\" The blind man replies, \"Just looking around.\"

Hope you enjoyed it!:)

Yeah man i got it! That was hilarious :lol: