Stress Reliever ..1
Wife : You always carry my photo in your handbag to
the office. Why?
Hubby : When there is a problem, no matter how
impossible, I look at your
picture and the problem disappears.
Wife : You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for
you?
Hubby : Yes, I see your picture and say to
myself, "What other problem can
there be greater than this one?"

____________________________________________
____________________________
Stress Reliever .. 2
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your
worries, troubles
and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have
any worries or
troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.

____________________________________________
____________________________
Stress Reliever .. 3
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this
morning, he told me to
give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

____________________________________________
____________________________
Stress Reliever .. 4
Wife to husband: "What's your excuse for coming
home at this time of the
night?"
Husband to wife: "Golfing with friends, my dear."
Wife to husband: "What? At 2 am?!"
Husband to wife: "Yes, We used night clubs."

____________________________________________
____________________________
Stress Reliever .. 5
Father to son after exam: "let me see your report
card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare
his parents."

____________________________________________
____________________________
Stress Reliever .. 6
A teacher asked her class for sentences using the
word "beans"..
"My father grows beans," said one student.
"My father cooks beans," said another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human
beans."

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____________________________
Stress Reliever .. 7
Interviewer to Millionaire: "To whom do you owe your
success as a
millionaire to?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What
were you before you
married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"

____________________________________________
____________________________
Stress Reliever .. 8
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours
forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.

____________________________________________
____________________________
Stress Reliever .. 9
A husband was asked: Do you talk to your wife after
sex?
He replied: Depends, if I can find a phone.

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____________________________
Stress Reliever .. 10
Man to wife on wedding night: Are you sure I'm the
first man you are
sleeping with?
Wife replied: Of course honey, I stayed awake with all
the others!

____________________________________________
____________________________
Stress Reliever .. 11
Why did they stop printing PAMELA ANDERSON
stamps in the U.S. ?
Answer: Because people started licking the wrong
side.

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____________________________
Stress Reliever .. 12
A wife asked her husband: What do you like most in
me - my pretty face
or my sexy body?
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: I like
your sense of
humour.

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____________________________
Stress Reliever .. 13
Doctor to his lady patient: You look terribly weak and
exhausted! Are
you having your meals three times a day as I have
advised?
Lady replied: Doctor, I thought you said three males a
day

HAHAHAHA~! so lame that i'm crippled!

HAHAHAHA~! so lame that i'm crippled!
hahahaha,this sure is very funny and keeps the joke land more here.

ok..thanx for the support i'll try to find more jokes for ya'll here

Why did Kok Beng go to a movie with his 18 friends?

Because below 18 not allowed !

-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Kok Beng wants to buy a TV set. He goes to a shop.

Kok Beng: "Do you have color TV ?"

Salesgirl: "Yes !"

Kok Beng: "Give me a green one, please "

-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Kok Beng is filling up an application form for a
job. He supplied

the information for the columns on Name, Age,
Address etc. Then he comes

to column on "Salary Expected", but he is not sure
of the question.

After much thought, he writes " Yes"

-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Kok Beng goes to a store and sees a shiny object.

Kok Beng: "What is that shiny object ?"

Salesgirl: "That is a thermos flask."

Kok Beng: "What does it do ?"

Salesgirl: "It keeps hot things hot and cold
things cold"

Kok Beng: "I'll buy it"

The next day, Kok Beng goes to work with his
thermo flat

Boss: "What is that shiny object ?"

Kok Beng: "It's a thermos flask."

Boss: "What does it do ?"

Kok Beng: "It keeps hot things hot and cold things
cold"

Boss: "What do you have in it !?"

Kok Beng: "Two cups of coffee and one cup of ice
cream"

-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

After taking photocopies of documents, Kok Beng
always compares it

with the original for spelling mistakes.

-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Kok Beng always smiles during lightning storms
because he thinks his

picture is being taken.

-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Why can't Kok Beng dial 911?

Because he can't find the number 11 (eleven) on
the phone.

-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Kok Beng had just bought a new computer and was
using it. When

he encountered some problems. He decide to use the
'Help' command after

some tries. Soon after, he became very irritated
and called the computer

retailer for support.

Kok Beng: "I press the 'F1' key for help lah, but
it's been over

half an hour and still nobody come and help me ?!"

-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Kok Beng with two red ears went to his doctor. The
doctor asked him

what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I
was ironing a shirt and

the phone ring - but instead of picking up the
phone, I accidentally

picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear"

"Oh dear !" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief.
"But .... what happened

to the other ear ?"

Kok Beng answered: "That stupid dumbo called back!!!!"

-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Kok Beng talk to a long-distance telephone operator.

Kok Beng: "COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME THE TIME
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN

TAIPEI AND LAS VEGAS ?"

Operator: "JUST A MINUTE..."

Kok Beng : "THANK YOU " and he puts down the phone.

-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working
on for quite

some time, Kok Beng proudly shows off the finished
puzzle to a friend.

"It took me ONLY 5 MONTHS TO DO IT", Kok Beng brags.

"FIVE MONTHS ? THAT'S TOO LONG", the friend exclaims.

"YOU ARE A FOOL." Kok Beng replies, "SEE THIS BOX,
IT IS WRITTEN FOR

4-7 YRS".

-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

At a bar in New York, the man to Kok Beng's left
tells the bartender,

"JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE" and his companion says,
"JACK DANIELS,

SINGLE".

The bartender approaches Kok Beng and asks, "AND
YOU, SIR ?"

Kok Beng replies : "Tan Kok Beng, MARRIED"

hohoho

It was a hot day in Britain during the search for the holy grail. And of course, metal armour gets hot! So Lancelot, fearing he won't survive much longer, begins to seek a way to refresh himself. As he rides, he enters a clearing wher there is a lemonaide stand and thinks "halleleuja I am saved." He gets off his horse, waddles over to the counter and orders the biggest, tallest glass of lemonaide the counterman sells. At this moment King Arthur rides into the same clearing. He too is baking inside his armour and clambers off his horse to place his order. And the counterman says, "Sorry sir, I can't serve you." "What do you mean," Arthur asks in shock? "I am your king man. Serve me the tallest lemonade you offer." "I am sorry Sir, I cannot serve you. As you can see, Sir Lancelot was here before you and this is only a one knight stand."

hohoho

TEACHER: Why are you late?

WEBSTER: Because of the sign.

TEACHER: What sign ?

WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
_____________

TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!
_____________

TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile?"

JOHN: K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"

TEACHER: No, that's wrong

JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
_____________

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?

SARAH: H I J K L M N O!!

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
______________

TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.

GEORGE: Here it is!

TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?

CLASS: George!
______________

TEACHER: Willie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.

WILLIE: Me!
______________

TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?

TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
______________

TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I."

ELLEN: I is...

TEACHER: No, Ellen..... Always say, "I am."

ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
______________

TEACHER: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"

JOHNNY: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
_____________

TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't
punish him?"

JOHNNY: "Because George still had the ax in his hand."
_____________

TEACHER: Now, Sam, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SAM: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________

TEACHER: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?

DESMOND: No, teacher, it's the same dog!


enjoy!!!

Good Luck Is Often With The Man Who Doesn't Include It In His Plans


Once U Can Accept The Universe As Matter Expanding Into Nothing That Is Something , Wearing Stripes With Plaid Comes Easy

haha nice jokes :D suitable for SMSing frenz. some of them i saw in other forum b4, but still nice jokes

wahaha.. keep them rollin in.. nice ones..

haha quite funny

ya'll can share all ur lame jokes here also

very funny
lol :-)

not bad, i've almost smiled